Sidney: Hey WERRRKers! The Apocalypse has begun and I’m here to help you through it! Along with me is the person whose mind this season’s costume designer ripped all their best ideas from, the other half of Team SJ, Spencer Joel Williams!
Spencer: I can’t believe I am spending the end of the world with you Sidney Joel! What a treat….
Sidney: …it’s probably more of a trick but it’s def something!
Spencer: That is for sure…
The Beginning of The End
Sidney: So after nearly a decade of Horror, we get back to the story the original promised us, Spencer, how did it start for you?
Spencer: Well at first I was kind of panicked. What I realized today was that there is really no difference between the AHS version of Los Angeles and the real Los Angeles. Just pure chaos, traffic, and Billy Eichner yelling at you on the street. I thought maybe I had left on CNN
Sidney: ….and Joan Collins complaining about champagne. This all tracks.
Spencer: Mmmm Joan Collins, you were expressing to me earlier that you aren’t sure if she is aware she is on a television show? I totally see that.
Sidney: She wasn’t, they told her the world was ending and she reacted this way very naturally. What did you think of the opening?
Spencer: I loved it. I honestly felt really anxious during all of the chaos. I absolutely HATE the sound of those missile sirens. They give me the creeps. The scariest part though was about halfway through the chaos that I realized that this scene is not exactly a fantasy. I mean give Trump a few more years and I’ll flying out of here with Joan Collins while you are running around screaming in Santa Monica.
Sidney: Ugh….I really am a Billy Eichner gay, not a Evan Peters hairdresser one.
Spencer: I asked the Magic 8-Ball and he agrees
Sidney: Magic 8 Ball and I are feuding, it knows what he did. I thought the opening was kind of a perfect segue from “Cult” especially since we all think this is the future Trump is leading us to. I was definitely unnerved by it. I like that they never addressed why they had an hour lead time but couldn’t stop it. I think we are gonna see that it was more than Governments at play here. I loved the repetition of the news cast but do you think there was something more behind the “We finally did it” line of the news anchor?
Spencer: Oh absolutely, that is the first thing I though about. “We finally did it?” Um sir, I’m going to need you to rephrase that. There is definitely more to the story here and I have a feeling we will be seeing multiple flashbacks throughout the season. Usually the first five minutes of an episode has some sort of flashback…. OH! I just remembered something!
Sidney: *sigh* Yes?
Spencer: They brought back the original theme song! Bless!
Sidney: YESS! YESS! I was hoping for that all day! I am so happy about that. The credits were awesome.
Spencer: It made me so happy! It shows me that the show staff are serious about getting back to the roots of this show and its going to be a good freaking season.
Sidney: Are you implying other seasons crash and burn like it’s a branded Hindenburg?
Spencer: Lets just say if you screw around with the theme song, the probability of the season flopping increases.
Sidney: Oh wow, that math actually works….
Spencer: I took Honors Geometry so….
Sidney: What did you think about the second part of the opener, with the family?
Spencer: The family was cute, but now I am worried about the 23 and Me kit I ordered! I am never going to make it to the fallout shelters! I’ve got asthma!
Sidney: Oh honey, of course you are. And you love gray so it works out!
*Spencer walks off set cursing. Chiffon explains the terms of Spencer’s contract and he walks back on set*
Spencer: How dare you?
Welcome to Outpost 3
Sidney: Okay so the start was usual AHS camp but then it got serious with the 40 minutes before the bomb stuff
Spencer: Yes, things got real serious super fast. One second I am watching a campy, comedy with an apocalypse theme. The next minute Kathy Bates shows up with a pretty hard haircut and somehow transformed into Big Boo from Orange is the New Black…
Sidney: She looked more comfortable this season than any other in what she had to wear, so she seems happy. I def thought the middle was set up, it was also that Ryan Murphy-esque social commentary that each season likes to give you but also self referential in that it’s discussing the idea of getting back to basics which I feel this season is attempting to do.
Spencer: Yeah I definitely like the direction they are taking. I mean obviously it’s a little extra but the concept is totally there. Previous seasons such as Cult and Hotel have had a large focus on social media and current pop culture. For example, I always think about that scene in Hotel where Hypodermic Sally discovers Twitter. This season is going against that grain. The dialogue is pretty cheesy though I will say…
Sidney: OH I fully agree there. I think the show in general skews that way, which is fine, but the middle of this episode def felt like it was a lot of set up of the world it’s in. One think I appreciate about this, and really the show, is how they have used set design to be a through line when the stories don’t have one.
Spencer: Yes! The set designers have done an incredible job. These sets are so eerie. I am so curious to see what the world looks like outside of that shelter!
Promises are Promises
Sidney: So we get to the end, with seemingly no real connection to the crossover we were promised and then, what last name do we see?
Spencer: OH! OH! PICK ME! HIS LAST NAME WAS LANGDON!
Sidney: BAM! I got chills seeing the name!
Spencer: The connection is so real. I was reading a lot of tweets before we started this talk and I noticed a lot of people are frustrated because they haven’t seen the connection of seasons yet… I mean HELLO, wake up people! This is THE connection we were promised years ago. The last episode of season 1 aired on December 21st, 2011! I’ve done my waiting. What? You thought Stevie Nicks was going to sing “I Can’t Wait” in the first five minutes? That is now how this show works.
Sidney: RIGHT! It seemed like this Satanic connection was gonna be the through line (i.e Demonic possession in Asylum) but they got away from it. Wanna know what I felt was very interesting?
Spencer: Do tell.
Sidney: His name is Michael. Michael is the archangel who leads Heaven’s forces against Satan’s.
Spencer: That cannot be a coincidence.
Sidney: No way.
Spencer: But Constance named him, correct? It would be ironic if she, a somewhat religious women, named him Michael and he turns out to be the exact opposite of his namesake.
Sidney: I think it’s supposed to be tongue in cheek.
Spencer: My question is, how could we possibly tie in Cordelia’s coven in all of this? Are people going to just keep “breaching the perimeter” like PeeWee’s Playhouse?
Sidney: So I think, that for the most part, this was set up. I’m sure that is gonna annoy some people but this season does need to establish its own identity first before bringing in the crossover. We need to earn it. We should let it build and pay off. We’ll enjoy it that much more! I mean, it’ll be interesting. I hope they have a logical way to bring people into this since there is established mythos. American Horror Story owes the fan-base something smart otherwise none of the other stuff mattered.
Spencer: Yeah I agree with you. At this point, there is very much a lot of potential. I mean Joan Collins choosing cannibalism because she is hungry was enough for me to give my approval.
Sidney: Dying in Santa Monica really is a horrible death upon itself. Joan Collins remains eternally everything. In terms of underground bunkers, that place was real cute. I know the copulation part was probably so people don’t reproduce but like, does that apply to the bunker gays? I’m just happy the Cooperative believes that, even in the end, you should turn a lewk. The Cooperative really took advantage of no PETA. FX is green cause they re-purposed Connie Britton’s wig for her son.
Spencer: In Summation, if this episode taught us anything, it’s that everyone needs to stop shaming me for getting my haircut at Supercuts. It’s quick, it’s affordable, and it’s closer to the Fat Burger in case of the end of the world. I hope management doesn’t watch this episode. Otherwise I’ll be on that ice-cube diet before the next RuPaul’s Drag Con. Sarah Paulson can play literally any character. I want to talk about how terrible Joan Collin’s character is for eating that boy, but I can’t even go 2 hours without itching at the thought of a burger so…. Did Ryan Murphy really gift Michael, Connie Britton’s old wig?
The Apocalypse Continues
Sidney: Like you said this season has potential, I think a lot of people have expectations and I think pleasing everyone is gonna be a futile effort, but as long as they please me, I’m cool with it.
Spencer: Pleasing you is no easy job.
Sidney: OH HONEY!
Spencer: All jokes aside, I am really excited about this season and I can’t wait to see how it plays out. Ice Cubes on me everyone!
Sidney: Ooo….is that diet water?
Don’t forget to check back next week for another AHS Apocalypse: Sidney and Spencer’s Fallout! Did you like the episode? Let us your know your thoughts and theories in the comments!