The WERRRK.com Interview: Heather Haneman

 

Two years ago I did one of my first ever interviews with my guest today. She is a fitness guru, a published author, a vodka connoisseur and one of the best drag pageant backup dancers in the country.  I thrilled to have her back for a follow up interview so without further adieu…..Heather Haneman!


 

 

Well hello there my dear! It has been far too long! How does it feel to be the first follow up interview here on WERRRK.com?

Well hello to you! It has been entirely too long. I’m feeling very special and oddly nervous to be your first follow up interview! And congrats on your new site!

Well thank you Heather! There is nothing to be nervous about, especially since we’re both well into our respective bottles of vodka, Citron nonetheless! How have you been?

Laughs You are airing our secrets already?! It’s true. We have a mutual admiration for each other and to citron and soda with lime!

This is a much more salacious website. I should have warned you.

How exciting!! So to answer your question, I’ve been doing really well, doing some drag back up dancing, teaching some fitness classes and trying to stay out of trouble.

Trying to stay out of trouble and staying out of trouble are two very different things. I’m glad to see you’re back dancing again since I know you were nursing an injury for a while there. Who have you been dancing for?

You have an outstanding memory. I had knee surgery last Thanksgiving. It was supposed to be a quick outpatient surgery! However once the surgery started, my doc discovered it was a total shit show inside my knee! (Am I allowed to say that? I figured It would be okay since you outed us for drinking). I ended up on crutches for two months and had two more months of rehab. Life without glitter and fans is no life at all so I was very motivated to get back to dancing. Since then I’ve danced at Mr. Continental, Miss Continental, Miss Continental Elite and Miss Continental Plus.

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My memory isn’t that outstanding. I couldn’t remember if it was a knee or an ankle so I went with the more generic “injury”. But wow, I wouldn’t have guessed that type of rehab would have been the one you went through! I kid! I kid!

Ha! I pretty much set myself up for that. I should have said “physical therapy” because I have met you before and knew what I was in for!

So what kind of fitness classes are you teaching? Does it disturb the students that the teacher has a flask, not a water bottle?

Belly laughing!!! Now now, you know me better than that. I don’t drink on the job! Well, currently I don’t drink on the job. I’m waiting for us to get our own talk show and then watch out!

I’ve already trademarked “The Chiffon and Feather Super Happy Fun Hour” so we’re all set if we get a show in Japan.

Japan might not be ready for us.

Is anywhere TRULY ready for us Heather?

Good point. Maybe that will be our first season. We can travel to different cities and see if they are ready for us.

I don’t know. Have you ever seen those Locked Up Abroad shows? We wouldn’t do well in a foreign prison! We’re too pretty!

Oh NO! Definitely a bad idea. We would not do well in prison at all. Actually one of my biggest fears is going to jail!

Mine too! Especially once I saw Brokedown Palace with Claire Danes!

Our show would be a huge success but we might have a hard time staying on one subject. Maybe we can make it like a game show and keep switching things up every time a whistle blows

I think that pretty much locks us into Japan if that is the show!

Japan here we come! We will be big in Japan!

Well to be fair, they’re little people and we wear big ass heels so…..

Ha! And we walk extremely well in our big ass heels! We will however look like giants!

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Maybe we can battle Godzilla in the sequel?

Perfect!

Yeah, we got way off track. Maybe we can get Adderral to sponsor the show?

Now you’re talking. Plus big name sponsors are always a good thing! But back to your original question, I’m teaching some pretty cool classes. I developed a fitness class called Ballet Burn that combines basic ballet movement with resistance training. (Yes, that was a shameless plug) but honestly it’s great. I’m in the best shape of my life! (For more information on Ballet Burn, click here)

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The best shape in all of your 21 years?

I’m double 21 and maybe a few more. Dance, it’s the fountain of youth (Vodka and sunscreen help too)!

So how did you hit on Ballet Burn? Where can our readers in the Windy City go to experience it?

Shape magazine held an event in Chicago a couple of summers ago. It was a really cool outdoor fitness event. They asked chicago athletic clubs provide classes and instructors. I developed the class for that event but called it “Beach Body Workout” because, let’s be honest, who doesn’t want an awesome beach body?! Anyway, it was so successful that we incorporated it into the schedules at all of our locations at Chicago Athletic Clubs.

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Well there you go! People in Chicago, go get your Ballet Burn on! On a completely unrelated note, I’m thinking we should skip the Addarral sponsorship to give Absolut the opportunity to realize the golden sponsorship opportunity here!

Absolut loves me. I’m a good customer and I danced at a couple of their different flavor launch parties in Chicago!

I think you’re being modest when you say good customer but talk about the launch parties.

Well my memory is a little fuzzy, I remember one was for Apeach, all one word not a peach. Circuit Mom coordinated the event and we danced in shadow boxes. It was super cool and they gave us free booze. The other one I actually wrote about in Big Wigs. Mom forgot about me and I was dancing in a crazy costume that I couldn’t see out of of hours!

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Nice segue to your book my dear! Thanks to your generosity, WERRRK.com has an autographed copy of “Big Wigs” to give away to a lucky reader. For those slackers who didn’t read our original, utterly amazing interview, can you describe it in 5000 words or less?

I would love to! The full title is “Big Wigs: Stories of a Straight Girl in a Drag Queens World“. It’s an autobiography, a fun collection of short stories about back up dancing in several national pageants across the US and a bunch of awesome events in Chicago including the Pride parade. How’d I do? Definitely less than 5000 word, right? (Get Heather’s book for a mere ten bucks here!)

You’re surprisingly concise with a few cocktails in you! Do you have any preferences as to how we give it away?

Why thank you. It’s totally your call on choosing a lucky winner!

Pie-eating contest it is then! Which probably would make a great segment on our Japanese show.

Love it! But I’m partial to cheese cake!

The dessert or the pin up style?

I might be losing my edge, what’s the pin up style??

Gasp! Now I don’t even know you! Cheesecake pin up shots are kind of cheeky pictures, usually in lingerie and we should totally leave this out.

Yes. I learned something new today! I have to try to use it in conversation tomorrow!

See? I have some value aside from you enabling you to rationalize “My liver isn’t nearly as bad as hers!”

Oh don’t sell yourself short. You are a wealth of knowledge. Pop culture and booze are your specialties.

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Well wait, is laying on the bathroom floor while the room spins an exercise?

Um, sure… Actually the best way to make the room stop spinning is to lay on the couch and put your foot on the floor to “ground” yourself!

And they say this isn’t an educational site!

Well now, clearly they are wrong.

 

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So before we wrap this up, I have to ask how was your life changed after you did your first interview with me? How did you handle have the paparazzi all up in your business all of a sudden ?

I wasn’t going to bring that up, but since you did I will say that with the new found fame came a few changes. I now can’t leave my house without first making sure I wearing mascara AND lip gloss. People stop me on the street for autographs so I need to have a fancy pen at all times.

Hold on! Hold on! You would ACTUALLY leave the house without mascara and gloss before?? I thought I taught you better than that!

I’m embarrassed to admit it but yes. Pre-fame I wasn’t nearly as glamorous. I owe you big time for enhancing my appearance in public. Plus girls with lip gloss and mascara are bought free drinks way more often. And who doesn’t love a free drink?!

I’ll let you know when I get my first one. But they do say dress for the job you want, not the job you have. And if that doesn’t work, dress like a streetwalker!

Haha! According to my great aunt, street walkers wear too much blush. I’ve always had a problem with blush, I never seem to wear enough, so I guess the good news is that I won’t be confused for a street walker any time soon.

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guess that’s good news. I guess. Well my dear, do you have anything else you want shamelessly plug before we finish up here and head out for more cocktails?

I believe that’s all folks! Thanks so much for the interview. Now it’s time to kick ball change! (That’s code for head out!) Hugs and kisses!

Thank you again Heather! It was fabulous to catch up again. Shall we make this a standing interview every two years now?

No. Two years is entirely too long! Plus we have our Japanese game/talk show to start working on!

Well, I guess we’ll have to do this again right before the season premiere of “Chiffon and Feather’s Super Happy Fun Hour” then.

Perfect!

Perfect! Okay, it’s time to say goodnight Gracie!

Goodnight Gracie!

 

 

About Chiffon Dior 458 Articles
Despite being a drag journalist for over five years, Chiffon only recently realized that she missed a golden opportunity back then to change her drag name to Rhoda Story.

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