Haley’s All-Star Afterparty: The Bitchelor

Hey kitty girls! Another episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race All-Stars has come and gone, so let’s get this after party started okkkurrrr? The girls got back in the workroom to see Thorgy’s message. Bebe explaining the drawing of a penis she left behind? Brilliant. “It was… a picture!” The drama started fresh out the gate as Kennedy thought the message was inappropriate. BenDelaCreme ruvealed her lipstick and also had selected Thorgy to sashay away. Milk and Shangela got into it a bit over her decision. Shangela felt she had to defend rather than explain her decision. Milk said she would have saved Thorgy right in front of Kennedy. Ooooh, girl! It was a lot of drama in these opening moments. Let’s just all agree drag is fun!

It was another day in the workroom, and Trixie explained how they step right over the dead body of their fallen friends each morning. Very relatable, or is that just me? Anyway, the challenge this week was The Bitchlor, a take on everyone’s mom’s favorite show, The Bachelor. The girls would be paired to go on an unscripted date with Unreal’s Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman. His costar Constance Zimmer would be joining him on the main stage to judge. Though the date was unscripted, the queens were each assigned a personality trait and paired with another contestant as a dating partner. The pairs were Kennedy (the party girl) and Aja (the needy girl), Trixie (the fake bitch) and Milk (stalker), Bebe (shy virgin) and Dela (cougar), and Chi Chi and Shangela- the polyamorous couple! Some of the girls had more improv experience than others. Bebe decided to make her character an African princess because her culture believes strongly in saving yourself for marriage. Dela tried to convince her otherwise, but Bebe was set in her way. Kennedy thought Aja didn’t fully understand her character. Milk felt good about her character because she stalked her real-life boyfriend on MySpace. Chi Chi struggled with improv, somehow developing a proper English accent? Who knows?

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It was time for the challenge! The very cheesy Bitchelor intro was incredible. RuPaul hitting on Jeffrey, and the “is there something on my face” comment? Amazing. BeBe was first up, and she stuck with her African princess character and did a great job. Next was Dela and she really played up the drunk cougar character. It was so perfectly done. Trixie, the fake bitch, had a few of my favorite lines. “I like my men how I like my coffee, incapable of loving me back!”. Milk came out from behind a tree with binoculars because of course. Her character was a little bit much. Aja crying from the second she got out of the car seemed like a personal attack? Because same. Her “you don’t love me!” comment, amazing. Kennedy’s TEETH! She pulled a flask out of her boobs! Shangela and Chi Chi were an interesting match but the chemistry wasn’t all there for me.

Then came the two-on-one dates! Jeffrey saying this is the weirdest group of girls he has ever seen accurately described how I felt when I saw the All-Stars cast announcement. Up first was Dela and Bebe. Ben played up the drunk cougar role, straight up eating a banana and calling him a baby. Bebe was a bit underwhelming compared to Dela. Have you ever taken out a catheter? Don’t come by after 9:30, that’s when Dela’s Xanax kicks in.

Up next was Trixie and Milk, where Milk kept talking over her. You could tell how frustrated Trixie was that she couldn’t hit her jokes without Milk talking over them. “The leaves in your hair are so fun, I wish you would leave!” Trixie even said at one point. The date was… not good.

Then came Aja and Kennedy. Kennedy’s character was absolutely hilarious. She pulled shot glasses out of her boobs! Before the shot, Aja made cheers to finding the love she could never give to herself. Same sister. Somehow it turned into a massage? Kennedy shares her past boyfriend turned out to be a crackhead who stole from her so she shot him. Her favorite part of Jeffrey’s body? His dick, duh. Aja was overshadowed by Kennedy, but boy, was she needy!

Shangela and Chi Chi ended up in a hot tub with Jeffrey. Mama (Shangela) found Chi Chi at a strip club. You ever heard of Sister Wives? Well, they’re sister wives. Shangela was really trying to give their bit more life, but Chi Chi really struggled. She was completely flat and depended too much on Shangela.

It was time for Jeffrey to give out eggplants. Oh, Y’all wanted a twist? He gave the eggplant to Ru! These poor girls were heartbroken. Finally, RuPaul got a happily ever after!

 

Time to get ready for the runway! The theme was “Wig Reveals” inspired by Roxxxy Andrews. Trixie said Milk wants a runway challenge inspired by her, crying when being safe. Chi Chi really struggled and said she felt she wasn’t on the same level. Although she stepped her drag up, she was nervous she was going to go home. Trixie explained how she felt about never winning a challenge on season 7, so she was determined to take one home. Dela asked Shangela and Milk who they thought struggled. Shangela admitted she thought Milk may be. Milk on the other hand? She thinks she’s going to be in the top! To steal Shangela’s words, I’m cracked! Kennedy opened up about how she felt hurt by Milk’s comments because they worked together a lot and thought they had developed a sisterhood. Aja agreed that Milk had been a bit rude this season.

 

Runway and Critiques:

First, let’s give Ru a shoutout. She looked GORGEOUS! OKAY. ON TO THE OTHER GIRLS!

BenDelaCreme: She came out and not only revealed a wig under a wig but also a dress WITH HAIR! Incredible. The judges loved her wig skirt and her performance even more. Jeffrey had a lot of fun with her, and the judges praised her comedy. She was top two!

Bebe: Bebe went from African princess to Asian fantasy! She went from updo to a long ponytail. She was safe this week and got no critiques.

Trixie: From Lady Bunny to Tatiana doing the Same Parts. What a transformation. The judges loved her bitchy character. She gave them exactly what they were looking for, but they felt Milk talked over her. She was safe.

Milk: A 60’s inspired look with another ponytail reveal. The judges were not into her wig reveal and were hoping her character would have slowed down a bit. They were looking for a more casual stalker (I’m available next time, World of Wonder). She missed the mark and took it too far. She was bottom three.

Aja: To quote Ru, “anamazing!” She had THREE wig reveals! Michelle said she looked the best she has ever looked! The judges really ate up her Kawaii look. Unfortunately, they thought her character was more whiny than needy. Aja was in the bottom three.

Kennedy: From afro fantasy to a pink Carol Brady wig! BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE! A third wig reveal! The judges loved her look. They really underestimated her ability to be a comedy queen. She killed it this week. She was top two!

Chi Chi: From an afro to a long, beautiful wig., she really showcased how her drag has grown. The judges thought she looked beautiful but didn’t have a presence in the challenge. Chi Chi had a bit of a breakdown on the runway. She felt intimidated by the other queens and felt bad for not giving her 100%. She was bottom three.

Shangela: THE CORN IS BACK! From a husk of corn to a wig filled with popcorn. Pop the corn and feed the children! Where is Jasmine Masters when we need her? She was safe this week and got no critiques.

 

The queens went back to the workroom while the judges twisted balloon animals. Ben said if she could black out she would, which I agree with after hearing the judges talk about their balloon animal twisting. Trixie thought she was going to be in the top two, and so did Milk. Milk felt she was being penalized for going 100%, she thought she had killed the challenge. Kennedy decided not to do one-on-ones with the bottom queens, she had already made her decision. Dela kept up the tradition and pulled the girls aside. Aja felt confident that Dela would send Chi Chi home for being consistently in the bottom. Chi Chi was doubting herself and even told Dela that she doesn’t know if she has it in her to go all the way. Milk was up next to talk to Dela and thought she was the only one who gave 100% in the bottom three. She went as far to say the judges even want her to be there, and that she wasn’t on the same level as the other girls… YIKES.

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On to the lip sync! Dela and Kennedy faced off to Lorde’s Green Light for the ability to give a queen the chop and a $10,000 tip. Kennedy pulled out a dress AND wig reveal. She had so much emotion in her performance. Dela did a great job as well, straying from the comedic lip syncs we’re used to seeing her do. Kennedy won the lip sync. She gave the chop to Milk, stating that she did so due to reasons on and off screen. Trixie’s shook face in the back said it all. Milk was pretty upset about it. Until she found out she had a chance to return. Also, Chad and Alaska were a lot less creepy this week. Was that the Macarena? I have so many questions.

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GUYS! Next week is our favorite holiday, SNATCH GAME! Which celebrities do you think our girls are going to portray? Also, did you see all that drama in the preview for the episode? Do you think Kennedy made the right decision tonight? Let’s kiki in the comments below!

 

Don’t forget to tune into RuPaul’s Drag Race All-Stars 3 Thursdays at 8 PM!

About Haley Van Horn 29 Articles
One small brushfire away from completing the Serial Killer Triad, Haley is a hell-raising college student and sports journalist. Calling the suburbs of the gayest city in America home, she's sure to bring it to you every ball.

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