NotSafe4Werk.com’s Wrestlemania 31 Preview

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Chiffon Dior: Welcome everybody to the Not Safe 4 Werk.com Wrestlemania 31 Preview! I’m as always, your hostess for this evening’s debacle, Miss Chiffon Dior. To my right is our resident Ghostbuster, all around good guy, your friend and mine, the 2nd most interesting man in the world…..the Crunk Panda!

Crunk Panda: Greetings and salutations, been looking forward to this all week! Let’s go!

CD: Also, we were supposed to be joined this evening by the lovely and talented Amber Gertner, the interviewer for Shimmer and color commentator for Shine Wrestling but she’s a bit under the weather but she was gracious enough to send a fabulous replacement, the resident mean girl of Shimmer herself! Please welcome our very special guest, the fabulous and stunning Sassy Stephie (Go show her love on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram! Or go buy some Stephie gear!)!

Our special guest can beat up your special guest.
Our special guest can beat up your special guest.

Sidney Stokes: Stephie, I’m totally gonna turn on Chiffon. I got you girl.

Sassy Stephie: Thank you, but really I don’t need the support. Amber is lucky I love her.

CD: Sigh. And we also have Sidney.

Sid: You’re welcome.

CD: So we’re all here to discuss the lineup for Wrestlemania 31. Before we get into the nitty gritty, I want to gauge your level of excitement for this show, on a scale of from WCW Thunder taping to Wrestle Kingdom 9. Since we’re nothing if not polite, we’ll go ladies first.

Sid: Girl Power! Well midway through Raw I was at Wrestlekingdom 9 but by the last segment of Raw I was at a Hulk Hogan movie from the 90s….

CD: Dammit Sidney, I meant the actual lady!

Sid: Come on, even the Spice Girls couldn’t live by that mantra.

CD:If you’re bringing up the Spice Girls, this could be a long night! Who wants to just recap Spice World instead??

CP: Sorry, I was googling Mel B.

CD: Is that a euphemism Panda?

CP: Let me google that too! In a street fight though, give me Posh all day.

SS: Mel B was a RuPaul Drag Race season 7 guest judge! Love her.

Sid: Notice she was announced as “Britain’s Got Talent judge” and not as Spice Girl. Further proof Rupaul has lost it this season.

CD: She told one of the queens she didn’t like her dress! I would have taken my dress off and burned it on the spot if one of Spice Girls hated my dress!

Sid: Wait, are the Spice Girls reuniting at Mania?! Because that changes my excitement level.

CP: I’m expecting Willie Nelson after Wiz and Snoop appearances.

CD: Sigh. Go ahead Stephie.

SS: I’m madly excited about Wrestlemanias in general. I have been to five of them….and this one just does not stack up at all to some of the recent Manias. So I shall say I’m a Hogan surprise appearance-level excited for this show.

CP: I’m at a Playstation 1 Wrestling Game level of excitement. I’m stoked it’s coming out, but I have a feeling after a couple hours I’ll just lose myself in create a character and live tweets.

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CD:Okay, so let’s get to the thrilling pre-show match shall? The Usos vs. Los Matadores vs. A New Day vs. Tyson Kidd and Cesaro. What do you think of this one Stephie?

SS: I love tag team wrestling and I am sad that it’s pre-show. However, I don’t care about theses tag teams. No one sticks out anymore. It’s the same thing, with all these guys. I’m actually more excited about the NXT tournament to decide which NXT superstar will enter the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal.

CD: Oh crap, she broke the NXT seal already! Brace yourself Stephie!

CP: I’m looking forward to this, they show it on pre-show. It’s a way to make a mark and get us talking. I am kind of loving Kidd/Cesaro, it’s growing on me. Can I note, I get sad whenever I see New Day. So much wasted talent in the group.

Sid: I’m with Stephie, tag team wrestling is awesome and always has a place on Mania. This match barely has a place on Mania. None of these guys have an issue with each other and have barely mentioned the belts so why even have it. I look at this match and the entire time will be thinking this.

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CP: I just eagerly await how they work those Burger King chicken fries into the stipulation.

CD: It really is sad. Try to go back in time and imagine having a match between the Rockers, the Harts, the Bulldogs and the Fabulous Rougeau Brothers in a pre-show match?

SS: Jacques Rougeau trained my husband, random fact.

Sid: I’m gonna be at Mania and it’s my goal to get a “How you doin?” Chant going. Or every time a chop or kick happens in that tag match, I want the audience to say “How you doin?” as if it’s the new “What?”.

CD: Yeah, that should go well for you honey. So who does everyone have for the win?

Sid: With one Uso injured, I say the champs retain.

CP: Yeah, I don’t expect a shakeup here in pre-show.

SS: Pre-show nothing changes. I expect a fast paced, fun match. But nothing crazy just something fun to start the show.

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CD: Let’s talk about the Andre battle royale. Last year Cesaro won and this year he’s in the pre-show so it’s clearly prestigious. You already said you care more about the NXT entrant Stephie, so who do you think it will be? (Editor’s note: Following our preview, it was announced that this match would be moved the pre-show)

SS: I want it to be Finn Balor. But I have a feeling it will be Baron Corbin. WWE has been promoting Sheamus. I think he makes a “surprise” return. I also think he will be one of the last five to enter the ring. He wins and has a fresh new run at his WWE career in which no one cares.

CP: First off, I wish they would use this as more of a launching pad for the winner, it seems like such build up and an honor to be in the battle, but then it’s like, so what? I think Big Cass making it to the Royale would be dope and could lead to the greatest thing going right now…Enzo F-N Amore.

Sid: I agree so much with how they should use this. It’s seems meaningless but would be a fun opener if done right. I agree with Stephie that Sheamus returns to win…and go on to join the Authority. In terms of NXT, I would love to see Bâlor so he could get an entrance that will excite people, but realistically it might be someone they are about to call up, so I say Neville.

CD: I REALLY want to predict Curtis Axel for the win because it could actually do something for the guy but I’m going to go with Ryback for the win. Since he’s come back from injury, he’s be pretty over. I won’t mention he might be more over than Roman Reigns because I’m a lady. As for NXT, I’m thinking its going to be Sami Zayn because he’s got to come up soon. I would hope.

SS: Sami Zayn is better at NXT right now he has a great feud building with Kevin Owens. I don’t believe he’ll go into the battle royal or to the main roster anytime soon.

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CD: So next up, the “Possession is 9/10 of the Law Intercontinental title ladder match”. Let’s have a moment of silence here for what could have been with Daniel Bryan……

Sid: *bows head for moment…weeps*

CD: Okay. Now back to our regularly scheduled programming. So what are we thinking for this match?

SS: The build up for this match has been great. More build up for this than any other match. I expect this match to STEAL the show and not just because Ziggler is in this match, but because of the story, the ladders, the suspense and the people involved. Everyone in this match is on the top of their game right now. The match on RAW last night with Ziggler and Bryan with Ambrose as the ref was the best on the show. Plus, it built the match even more. After all was said and done all the men were left laying on the mat unable to get up the ladder to the belt. Amazing. I ate it up like fresh out of the oven cookies. I want more! This match could go a couple ways. 100% of my heart hopes Ziggler win. The IC title has always been the work horse title, Not a lot of people work as hard as he does every night. Bryan will be great but not a chance in hell he is winning this. He is only in cause they had nothing else to do with him on this Mania. I believe either Barrett retains or Ambrose finally gets the win and the belt.

CP: The IC match may well be my most anticipated match of the night. It’s been kind of a silly and cartoon like build, but, it’s been fun. I love everyone in this match and ladders always deliver, I can see DB walking out with the belt. The real winners, all of us, legit…they all want to steal the show and, well…this IS Wrestlemania!

CD: What kind of heel talks about cookies?

SS: Cookies are delicious….and Portia (Perez) used to bring cookies to the ring at Shimmer like four or five years ago.

CD: Tough to argue with that. This seems to be the consensus for the top match of the night and I’d be hard pressed to disagree. I think that Dean is actually going to come away with the gold but that is just a total gut feeling.

Sid: This match means more to most than any. Personally, it should close the show. I want Daniel Bryan to win because he’s never had a run with it, and if WWE is truly committed to bringing back the belt to its one time glory, then Daniel Bryan should win it. That is not to take away from the other men. I feel Wade Barrett has had a bad run cause he’s basically been a joke this time. I loved it on Raw where he had enough and bull hammered every one. Wish that was him for the rest of this run. That’s said, if Daniel Bryan loses, I feel there is a huge risk of his name being chanted through the remainder of the show, which WWE really should fear. I would love to see Daniel Bryan feud with Ambrose and Ziggler until Summerslam, where a great unification match with Cena could go down.

CP: I think Ambrose haunting whoever holds it in a title chase is more entertaining than him holding it

Sid: Especially if it pays off with him winning and getting him out of booking limbo. Ambrose is money…so much money.

CD: If Ambrose is haunting someone Panda, as a Ghostbuster, are you morally obligated to do something about that?

CP: I’m a business man, like The Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase once said, everybody’s got a price.

SS: When WWE cancelled Raw due to the snow storm, Ambrose went to the WWE offices and said he wanted the title and to have his name up on the wall. I see Ambrose winning it. Its the pay off, although I agree him haunting whomever has it, would be more entertaining.

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CD: So moving on, Randy Orton. Seth Rollins, a match with a pretty good buildup. It could be a dark horse for the match of the night. What are we thinking?

SS: Both guys are very talented. However, we’ve seen it the last couple weeks. Get it free on Raw or pay $9.99 a month to get Wrestlemania to see it again! This will be my piss break match. I don’t care. Randy Orton over probably by DQ.

CP: I just don’t care for this watered down bad guy crew with HHH and Steph, and seeing Rollins constantly, he’s losing his appeal more and more with me. However, I know when the cameras are on him, he goes all in. Randy and Rollins can create magic, I expect a solid match, but I really don’t care about the outcome. Hopefully Randy comes to hurt and not win, I see a DQ as well, but Rollins with the win. They need an adversary and Randy is still fresh in their battle.

SS: This is the only match on the card that feels like a personal feud. One of those great grudge matches that are enhanced, Sting and Triple H sounds like a Grudge match but isn’t, it’s dream match level match. This deserves time to let both men get a strong showing cause I think it can be off the hook awesome if it’s allowed to be brutal. Ultimately Orton needs the win and deserves it. I know that could make Rollins look weak but I feel Rollins can still walk away from mania strong, but more on that later. I say Orton wins so Cole can say “OUTTA NOWHERE!” on the Mania stage.

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CD: Okay, before moving on to the Cena-Rusev match, I need read this letter I got from the WWE’s attorneys. They have formally requested that Panda remains 500 yards away from Lana at all times.

CP: Request, not demand. I WANT LANA!

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SS: Don’t worry, she’s filming a movie. I’m sure she’ll be there for Mania, but I see it being some sort of distraction for Rusev.

Sid: For the record, no one is touching her on the mic right now besides Heyman.

CD: I was disappointed they didn’t say she was out looking for Putin when he was missing for a while there.

Sid: Agreed, if they are planning a Rusev-Lana split then Vince should be forcibly removed.

SS: No one except maybe Bray Wyatt.

CD:Boom! Stephie just dropped a truth bomb on you Sidney. Not to be a confused with an R-Truth bomb which is completely different.

CP: In my Lana fan fiction, she is a mercenary who rescues Putin from a den of bears.

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SS: A fanfic? How old are you? Twelve?

CP: I’m tall enough to ride the rides, you don’t know my life.

Sid: Didn’t know bray Wyatt was a manager but sure I’ll let the newbie have a victory.

CD: Feel free to beat the crap out of Sidney at ANY time Stephie. Really.

SS: I’m torn on this match, personally. Its Wrestlemania. It’s John Cena. It’s America, but its also Rusev. I hate to see Rusev’s winning streak end and John Cena doesn’t need the US title, but Rusev’s “streak” has to come to an end sowhat better place than Mania against John Cena. I’m going with Cena for the victory. And for a newbie here, you did say no one touches Lana on the mic besides Heyman. You didn’t say anything about being a manager.

CP: I think y’all are arguing irrelevant points because Lana is the best. Cena could sure use a win. It feels weird to say that, it’s such a weird place though, Rusev is a face to me and is just a proud country man. But at the same time, yeah, USA USA USA!

Sid: I thought the comparison was implied? Cause I think Rollins is awesome on the mic as well.

SS: Whatever drugs you’re on Sid can you share? Rollins is terrible on the mic. He is stuttering and missing words in his sentences constantly.

Sid: I want your drugs cause that former Shield member is called Roman. Also Ambrose on the mic is perfect and Wade Barrett made that bad news things work.

CD: *gets popcorn and sits down next to Panda*

SS: Reigns sucks at promos too. I agree with that. He is getting better though. You can tell he is starting to believe in himself. However Rollins seems out of his league cutting promos in WWE. Seeing the promos he cut on the indies, they were much better. Th best promos in WWE are without a doubt, Paul Heyman, Bray Wyatt, John Cena, and Lana.

CD: Um….what about El Torito?

Sid: Cena? Stephie let’s make a drug swap. I will give mine so you can get through a Rollins promo and then you give me the ones that make Cena ‘s promo good.

SS: Yes, I would love some Tostitos, thank you.

Sid: Cena and Rusev has had an incredible build…so many amazing visuals and Lana on the mic is perfect. Her not being on Raw was a dumb, dumb mistake. That said I’ve never been a Cena fan past his passion for the business and maybe three or four of his matches. Rusev is a solid worker with a terrible gimmick that is only saved by best asset which is his manager. I think that if they really want to keep focusing on Rusev then he should beat Cena. I look at Bray’s match with Cena last year at Mania where he lost and its taken him almost a year to recover. So Rusev, if they are serious about him, should win. But I think Cena walks out the belt and the winner is the United States Championship which has a renewed focus.

CD: So in closing, I say Cena wins. ‘Murica. So since we mentioned Bray Wyatt already, let’s talk Bray vs. the Undertaker. I said to Sidney the other night, I’m expecting two amazing entrances and anything beyond that is gravy in my eyes. Also, gravy in the eyes is a great way to win a match if the ref isn’t looking.

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SS: No one has seen the Undertaker, except in REALLY bad pictures online since Mania last year. When the bell tolls, the crowd will be deafening. Bray Wyatt will have some kind of creepy entrance as well, but really the star will be Undertaker. I want Bray to win, because it would build him up big time. However it Taker……the Streak may be over, but I don’t think Vince is willing to make that mistake again. I think this year is Taker’s last Mania, put him over on the way out. Next year in Texas where Taker lives, he goes into Hall Of Fame.

CP: It’s going to be a solid match and I think Bray and Taker can really work the hell out of it, Bray is really damn good. I kind of want to see Taker just rip him apart, showing rage from being defeated last year, but, I don’t see the point of Taker having a squash in 2015. I agree with Stephie about him hanging up boots in Texas and playing more of a role behind the scenes hopefully.

SS: While I think this is Taker’s last Wrestlemania, I’d still like to see Sting vs. Taker next year.

CD: I don’t think this is Taker’s swan song.They want to pack out that giant stadium in Texas. If a Taker retirement match is on the card, it helps the gate.

Sid: This match is going to ten minutes of what might be two of the greatest Wrestlemania entrances of all time, though they definitely have to wait for dark for them to do it. Taker is going to work hard and so will Bray. Taker is so good he’s gonna help make Bray look like even more of a star. Ultimately I think Taker wins and then goes on for one more match next year against Sting. The truth is Taker has one more match after this and once he’s done, Bray will hopefully still be around and incredible star and fulfill the fact that he is the new face of fear for a new generation. I do hope he comes out of this match as strong as he went into it, because no matter how this shakes out , Bray Wyatt is the winner for making this feud seen as epic as it feels.

SS: It speaks volumes that Bray has carried this feud by himself! Not once have we seen or heard the Undertaker, besides the terrible voiceover two weeks ago.

CD: That’s a good point. Burger King Chicken Fries have appeared more than the Taker has this Wrestlemania season.

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SS: This shows build up has done a wonderful job of making people almost come to blows but saving it and making people want more.

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CD: Next up is the divas tag match between AJ Lee and Paige vs. the Bellas Twins. I guess my question is how quickly would you beat all four of them Stephie?

SS: Personally, I am good friends with Paige’s mom Saraya. In fact, she’ll be here next week. Paige is a rocking chick, I really like her. When I was one of Adam Rose’s Rosebuds, she came running down the hallway, screaming my name, which was pretty flattering! All four of these ladies are talented. The Bellas have improved so much over the past two years. Before RAW, I thought for sure Paige and AJ would win. On Total Divas, the Bella’s revealed they were no re-signing with WWE, making that choice easy. BUT now with AJ and Paige at each others’ throats…..maybe the Bellas do pull out the win (total pun btw if you watch Total Divas). I guess it depends on what happens on Smackdown between Paige and AJ.

CP: I’m still not sure why Bellas are all good again. They need a break, the market is over saturated with Bellas. AJ/Paige FTW, and then they go back to feuding. I also would like to see them let Paige work more, TV Paige is way toned down from the things I’ve seen in dark matches.

Sid: I want AJ and Paige to win but I really really do hope that Brie costs Nikki her Mania moment as a way to write the wrong of Brie joining her sister after all that shit.

CD: Did you just really call for continuity?

Sid: Though part of me wishes that Charlotte, Sasha Banks, Becky Lynch come down to beat down the Bella’s and they form a female Nexus. With AJ and Paige of course.

SS: No way…..what I want is Nattie to start the female Four Horseman! Hear me out! Nattie, Charlotte, Tessa Blanchard (Tully Blanchard’s daughter– who is KILLING it on the indies right now) and Noelle Foley as the manager. Dude, its’s so MONEY. Take my money now…and I’ll wait on the shirt and other merchandise!

Sid: Everything Stephie just said!

CD: You’re just sucking up to Stephie now so she doesn’t beat you up after this chat ends!

Sid: I’d be insulted if Stephie didn’t beat me up.

CD: We all would Sidney. We all would.

SS: I’ll make everyone #KissMySass!

CD: Since we’re on the topic, if you could wrestle anyone at Wrestlemania Stephie, who would it be?

SS: If it were possible….Sensational Sherri. She is my idol. God rest her soul. However, if I had to pick someone alive, I’d want to tear down the house with Trish Stratus!

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CD: Next up, with be the Game, the King of Kings, Mr. Stephanie McMahon, Triple vs. the Icon of a company that doesn’t exist, Sting. What do we think?

SS: You don’t bring in Sting to job him out. This match should be fantastic. I’ve always been a HUGE fan of Triple H. The story is monumental here. The one guy Vince could never get…now he is here taking on his son-in-law. It basically writes itself. I’ll take Sting for the win in what should be one of Triple H’s best matches.

CP: Sting has to win. Nothing else makes any sense. All the rumors for year and no all the build up, anything but Sting winning is stupid, unless they go super swerve and it turns out it was really Vince the whole time. I was never huge into WCW, just wasn’t, so, Sting isn’t a OMG thing to me, yeah, boo me…at this point it’s just novelty to boost the buy rate. It’s like me going back at a high school reunion and challenging an old rival, it’s time to move on.

CD: As a fan of bleached blond surfer bum Sting when I was young, yeah….I’m psyched to see the Stinger on WWE television. I’ll totally mark out.

Sid: This is a dream match for me. I screamed when Sting appeared at Survivor Series and had chills when he spoke to open Raw only to be interrupted by a McMahon. I have always thought of Triple H and Sting as their respective companies equal of each other (age aside). Being huge fans of both, this a dream match for me and I cannot wait to witness it. The winner us. This is history, it might be history to only a few million people on a planet of trillions, but to us, this is a major moment.

CD: “This is the greatest night in the history of our sport!” Thank you Sidney Schiavone.

SS: Hahah!

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CD: On to the main event of the evening, Brock Lesnar versus Roman Reigns. So the big question is, who is the least deserving Wrestlemania main eventer: Reigns, Sid Justice/Vicious or Lawrence Taylor?

SS: Ouch! I thought I was the bitch….

CD: Never underestimate how much of a bitch duct tape can make a gal!

Sid: ….that without it is a guy

CD: Shush Sidney before I power bomb you! So seriously, what do all think of this match?

SS: Brock just re-signed with the WWE today. He isn’t going back to UFC. So therefore Brock retains. I think Seth Rollins “tries” to cash in, but isn’t able to, to set up a Brock vs. Rollins feud. He has to get rid of that case soon….the next MITB PPV is in a couple months I think.

CP: The tug of war clearly kicked into high gear as Raw faded to black, if that’s not putting asses in seats, I don’t know what is. They look at each other and declare “MINE!”, Roman isn’t ready for the stick, his time will come, it’s just not now…or if it is, hopefully he’s been destroyed and Mr. MITB cashes in and walks out with the strap. Roman just should not be the focal point in his current form. I just see Brock continuing to lay waste to the universe for a decent while.

CD: Really the only logical matchup for Brock is Thanos right? Oh sorry, I was getting into Avenger’s mode already.

Sid: The fans have turned on Reigns and WWE has no one to blame but themeselves. WWE didnt want Bryan back in the main event? Tough shit….the fans did. The buildup between Bryan and Brock would have been legendary. A true David and Goliath story that WWE has truly never had.So instead the fans got screwed over and turned on Reigns who could have been major if they had just waited. The end of Raw was an embarrassment and I wish Paul Heyman could have stopped it in creative. I think based on the fan reaction, Brock wins, but I feel Rollins cashes in and wins. It will excite the WWE universe and the die hard fans will love Tyler Black winning the WWE World Championship. If Reigns wins, he’s done before he is allowed to begin, if Lesnar retains, the trend of WWE saying our roster isn’t as good as a part time guy, continues. Regardless, Daniel Bryan’s name will and SHOULD be chanted for the entire match.

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SS: Once I knew Bryan wasn’t in the main event this year at Mania, I was happy I didn’t spend over $5000 to go to Mania this year.

CD: Brock and Paul is the best act in all of wrestling. I like not seeing the champ each week. It makes it more special to me. Keep the Conqueror conquering for the foreseeable future.

CP: I just hope when when think it’s over, just when all hope is lost, Vince comes out and says “What if I told you that was just the warmup?”, and then he reveals the REAL Wrestlemania!

Maybe this would help?
Maybe this would help?

CD: So I think we’ve reached the end of our journey this evening. Stephie, thank you so much for taking the time to sit in with us tonight. You’re welcome back any time. We’ll even get rid of Sidney if you want. Seriously. Just ask. So any final thoughts?

SS: My closing thoughts: This Mania has potential to be really good. Some of the matches are going to be worthy of March Of The Year, but it just doesn’t feel like a Wrestlemania card to me. It’s like a Survivor Series card, you know a PPV that is big, but is building to Wrestlemania. My expectations are not that high for it, so I hope that by the end of the show that I will have really enjoyed this year’s Mania. If not… At least I’m going to have a great cheat day as far as food is concerned!

CP: I assumed every day was a cheat day when you’re a heel *rimshot*

CD: Dammit Panda! We’re trying to look cool here!

CP: Sorry, you know how I get around cool chicks, it’s like a kid when you go visit them and they has to show off all their toys and be all “hey, hey, hey, watch this”, I have a problem. So anyway, I think we are looking at the best Wrestlemania we are going to see this year, my expectations are at an all time low, so, hopefully that will mean I am easily excited this Sunday. Hopefully this will lead to some good reboots or rebirths for people and plots, because we are long overdue. I’ll bitch and moan, but, I’ll keep watching.

Sid: I think there is going to be some incredible moments and in ring stuff. I think we’ll also be treated to an incredible production. It might not be the greatest Mania, but I feel we might be treated to an fun show and sometimes, that’s not always a bad thing when it comes to wrestling.

CD: And remember, enough vodka and chicken wings can make any show enjoyable. Let us know your thoughts about the show and be sure to vote in our poll to let us know who YOU think will be the WWE champion at the end of the night! Thanks to Sidney, the Crunk Panda and our cool new friend Sassy Stephie for their time tonight and until next time, remember to have your drag queens AND pro wrestlers neutered and spayed.


Sassy Stephie will be appearing for Femme Fatales in Montreal April 4th, and April 25th Remix Pro in Marietta Ohio where she defends her Remix Fury championship against Lufisto and Veda Scott! Follow her social media for the latest news!

About Chiffon Dior 479 Articles

Despite being a drag journalist for over five years, Chiffon only recently realized that she missed a golden opportunity back then to change her drag name to Rhoda Story.

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