NS4W Looks at the DC Universe on Film (Part One)

Batman-V-Superman-Dawn-of-Justice-Header

On Wednesday, at a Warner Brothers shareholder meeting, CEO Kevin Tsujihara officially announced WB’s slate of upcoming tentpole films including DC Comics films.

Here at NotSafe4Werk.com, Chiffon, Poppy, Sidney and the Crunk Panda will attempt to make some sense of all the news by utilizing equal parts analysis, speculation and snark. Without further adieu, here is part one of “NS4W Looks at the DC Universe on Film”! Enjoy!


 

CD: Hello everyone and welcome to Not Safe 4 Werk.com’s in-depth roundtable discussion of the reveal of Warner Brothers slate of movies, specifically, their slate of DC comics movies. I’m joined by my prettier, more talented and much older sister, the one and only Miss Poppy Fields….

Poppy Fields: Greetings, gentle readers! We here at Not Safe 4 Werk are all a-twitter at the recent announcement from Warner Brothers which lays out their plans for the next several years of feature films, most of which feature superheroes from the DC Universe (with a good dose of Harry Potter in the mix). We assembled a motley crew here at NS4W to hash out what this means for you and the cinematic superhero universe. Roll call folks! I’m the ever-loveable Poppy Fields…

CD: ….our resident Ghostbuster and all around swell guy, the Crunk Panda

CP: Hello to all the new AOL users, enjoy the platinum experiment. Also, I had no clue this was even a thing until Chiffon was like…wanna talk about DC movies and I was all like whaaaaat. Make mine Marvel!

CD: and…um….Sidney.

SS: Hi my name is Sidney Stokes and it’s been 45 minutes since my last….oh um…wrong crowd. HEY NOTSAFE4WERKERS!

CD: Okay, now that we’ve dispensed with the pleasantries, briefly, what was your initial reaction to seeing the reveal of the long term plans for the DC Universe on film?

PF: Finally! Thank goodness WB and DC finally got on the ball. So to speak. And I mostly thrilled that my girl, Wonder Woman is getting her own flick!

CP: I think they are trying to do too much. Marvel built this model from the ground up. They had a plan and attacked. Seems DC is trying to play catch up.

SS: My reaction was one Loki scene will most likely be better than all of these combined.

CD: My first thought was they picked these film’s release dates at random….or were drunk….or both.

CP: It looked like a weird list of fan fiction. No real rhyme or reason and RETCON everywhere!

PF: What’s RETCON?

SS: A genius way to put what DC is doing

CD: That is a fan convention celebrating Rhett Butler and Gone with the Wind.

CP: Retroactive continuity. Basically forgetting past things to help tell current stories.

PF: Oh. I’m not that much of a geek, so sometimes I need translation.

CD: Like what you do when you walk home Sunday morning in the same dress you wore the night before Poppy. You retcon your story.

SS; ….and birthdays

PF: I have no idea what you are talking about. And Sidney, shut up. Well, let me just say this…I think the Harry Potter films are going to likely continue a fine tradition. That franchise was extremely well-done, J.K. Rowling always is heavily involved in them, and I know they will be wonderful. Moving on…

CP: Suicide Squad has my curiosity piqued, it has interesting lineups (I LOVE Duela Dent!) but I’m not sure Hollywood is going to love a title with Suicide in it. It feels like they are trying to pull a Guardians of the Galaxy move with lesser known characters.

SS: All I kept thinking at that title was the fact that The Suicide Squad just was introduced on Arrow.

Harley Quinn kicks ass. This is not up for debate.
Harley Quinn kicks ass. This is not up for debate.

CD: The early placement of Suicide Squad in the slate is odd though, don’t you think Panda? Like how can you care about a team of villains with nothing to lose when DC hasn’t even established a single villain yet (at least not one that Superman hasn’t killed).

PF: Well, we don’t know that. They may introduce some of them in the Justice League movies…or others.

CD: But that is what I mean, the only movie that comes out before Suicide Squad is Batman v Superman which is clearly a courtroom drama, right?

CP: I don’t get it at all. We haven’t even had a proper Harley Quinn yet and you choose Suicide Squad to potentially unleash her? Batman v Superman is so out of left field, it’s bonkers. It’s just like the list, seems like a bunch of nerds like me just brainstormed titles and released a meme. I think we can all agree that Affleck is gonna kill it though.

CD: Ben Affleck kicked ass in Phantoms!

PF: I think Ben Affleck is a good actor, actually. Daredevil was horrible, but not exclusively because of him.

Panda thinks Affleck is going to kill it as Batman. What do you think of the controversial casting?
Panda thinks Affleck is going to kill it as Batman. What do you think of the controversial casting?

CP: I am hoping we get Affleck as World’s Greatest Detective versus brooding emo fight guy. Affleck as a more cerebral character with an end game of stopping Supes. I think he can kill that. I’m stoked about how he presents Bruce Wayne potentially.

PF: You just prefer Marvel over DC, Pandy Paws, dontcha?

CP: I’m more of a Marvel guy, but, in this world it seems like they are trying to work backwards, to establish their universe that interconnects.

CD: How can you possibly do Harley Quinn before you do the Joker? It feels like they’re moving backwards as a reaction to Marvel’s success, not because they wanted to do this and are now just playing catch up.

CP: Marvel did an amazing thing and most of us had no clue for a while the stories they were weaving together. It all connects. Now it’s a do or die move by WB because they know this comic bubble won’t lasts forever.

PF: Obviously the one we are all looking at is Wonder Woman.

SS: And Wonder Woman is Judge Judy, kicking ass and taking names!

CD: Poppy, we talked at length about Wonder Woman previously (Check out “Chiffon and Poppy Make Everything Better: Wonder Woman” here!). How concerned are you that she’s going to get short changed by getting crammed into a very crowded Batman and Superman film?

PF: Well, I’m not sure, Chiffon. I think that everyone involved knows how important she is to the DC Universe – she’s one of the Trinity, for goodness sake – so I’m sure she’s going to be handled with kid gloves.

SS: We are seeing these characters before their own solo films. I truly wonder what’s going to happen if fan reaction to the way the characters are done by the actors are not well received what that will mean for the solo films.

PF: That very well may be true, but here’s something to ponder. Comic books are notorious about rewriting their timelines and continuity. Both Marvel and DC have done universe-shaking story lines to fix things to fit the needs of the current story lines and popularity. In that regard, this slate of movies isn’t all that different.

SS: I have no issue with the retconning, it’s needed…I mean who saw Green Lantern?

CD: Ryan Reynolds‘ friends and family I think. Its why Scarlet divorced him I heard.

SS: Clever girl.

CP: I feel Wonder Woman is getting her movie just because people have been so vocal. It doesn’t feel like true fan service, more of obligation. Which is sad, I think of most the DC Roster, she would be one of the easiest stories to put on screen…just not as Gal Gadot.

CD: I agree Panda. Does anyone here like the Gal Gadot casting?

PF: I’m not going to hate an actress in a role until I see her in it.

CP: I don’t get it at all. Wonder Woman is an AMAZON. She may be a great actress, I don’t really know…I know she isn’t an Amazon though.

Sidney advice: Eat a steak or four Gal.
Sidney advice: Eat a steak or four Gal.

SS: Don’t know her work. I do feel that she could eat a steak or four before wearing the lasso.

PF: Yes, but then you have to factor in the Hollywood variable, which means that any woman who looks like an Amazon isn’t going to get her own feature film.

CD: That’s what’s hindered your film career, right Poppy?

PF: I was too petite.

SS: Then I see her costume which, hey Gal Gadot is beautiful, but I think back to the WB execs freaking out about Brandon Routh‘s bulge as Superman and then look at WW costume and was like oh…umm….so how much care is Wonder Woman going to get from those who control her films fate? And I want to say this. it’s 2014…we aren’t getting a glimpse of Wonder Woman until 2016 and her own film isn’t happening until 2017.

PF: That’s a good point, Sidney.

CP: I think Sidney makes a good point. The studios, to me seem to be more focused on the accessories instead of the stories and those delivering them. First thing we got from Batman/Superman was LOOK AT THIS DOPE UNIFORM!

SS: The WB powers that be didn’t feel Wonder Woman can sell her own movie…which is BS I think we can all agree, yes?

PF: Total BS.

CP: I think there are PLENTY of lead characters that are women that could rock shit, not sure what any studio is thinking by not jumping on that.

PF: Who?

CP: Poppy, Black Widow for one. Marvel has tons of women. DC has plenty too. I’d pay good money for a Black Widow flick. Then I see her costume which, hey Gal Gadot is beautiful, but I think back to the WB execs freaking out about Brandon Routh’s bulge as Superman and then look at WW costume and was like, oh…umm….so how much care is WW gonna get from those who control her film’s fate.

CD: How about one of the least respected heroes out there, Aquaman getting his own film? Jason Momoa looks very different than an prior incarnation of the character, although he does look like several of the pool boys Poppy has hired in the past so there is that.

PF: He WAS my pool boy once, didn’t I tell you?

CD: Every chance you get dear sister.

CP: Aquaman I’ve never quite got. Namor too. To be honest, visually…Jason Momoa looks more Namor than Aquaman to me.

PF: I think, since the consensus is that he’s not so tough, they’ll make it as bad-ass as they can.

SS: Aquaman, I’m gonna look for a fuck to give…but I’m not making any promises about finding one.

If the Justice League needs to find Nemo, he's their guy!
If the Justice League needs to find Nemo, he’s their guy!

CD: In keeping with the same level of enthusiasm, how about the Cyborg movie?

SS: Nothing makes me angrier than Cyborg. He’s perhaps the reason I don’t like DC more than Marvel. He’s the absolute worst concept of a hero and the fact that he is getting a movie makes me wish DC Studios goes bankrupt and is never allowed to make another film….ever.

CD: Tell us how you really feel Sidney.

CP: I love Cyborg! On Teen Titans. That’s it. Either the new or old Cartoon Network version. I just don’t see a draw for Cyborg. Plus, Shaq already made Steel. It’s completely uninspired design from a time when anything robotic was so far fetched.

SS: I fucking hate Cyborg. There aren’t enough foul or negative words for me to describe how much I hate him.

The NS4W consensus on this one: Good luck with that.
The NS4W consensus on this one: Good luck with that.

CD: Poppy, any thoughts on a Cyborg film?

PF: Huh…sorry…I was filing my nails. What?

CP: We need an Alfred Pennyworth movie. That’s like a machine to print your own money. Let’s hear it from that guy’s side.

CD: I hate how he has some cockney accent on Gotham like he’s a 60 year old male Eliza Doolittle.

SS: Panda….please go run DC’s film division.

END OF PART ONE. CLICK HERE FOR PART TWO!

About Chiffon Dior 502 Articles
Despite being a drag journalist for over five years, Chiffon only recently realized that she missed a golden opportunity back then to change her drag name to Rhoda Story.

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