I’m back Pop Tarts! Did you miss me? What am I saying? Of COURSE you did!
I had one of the most unusual experiences of my life recently; and when you’re me, that’s saying a LOT, let me tell you. Seriously though, I’m still pondering what exactly transpired. Here’s what happened…
Picture it…West Hollywood, 2014. It’s a lovely day – the sun is shining, the sky is blue, light breezy, and man-flesh as far as the eye can see. It’s a good thing. I’m walking down Santa Monica Boulevard, snappily dressed and minding my own business, when I look over to my left to see a man in a parked car smiling and nodding his head enthusiastically.
So far, nothing is out of the ordinary.
However, he was nodding enthusiastically and fervently pointing to the back seat of his rather mediocre, dusty four-door of indeterminate make and model. Again, that wouldn’t seem too strange; but the kicker to all this is that the “nodding pointer” was a bearded, bespectacled Hasidic Jewish gentleman.
Yes, you read that correctly…I’m talking full-on “Papa, Can You Hear Me” pointing to the back seat of his car and leering at me like the cat that swallowed the kosher canary.
Now before any tight-asses start screaming that I’m being anti-Semitic, let me remind you that Mack Diamond, my husband, is as Jewish as a menorah made out of chopped liver from Cantor’s deli. Hell, I’m a better Jew than he is, and I’m Baptist.
This occurred, mind you, in broad daylight; so I have no idea what this gent wanted. I certainly don’t think I look the “type” for a Hasidic gentleman, though a friend suggested that maybe he had a thing for my sheitel (Google it). Maybe he had a nice line of watches that he was selling and they happened to be in his back seat. Who knows? I’m still gob-smacked about the whole thing, and if any of you have any ideas as to what the horny Rabbi from “Fiddler on the Roof” wanted with me, send me your ideas to firstname.lastname@example.org. I might post your ideas in a future column, because I have no clue.
Let’s see who’s patronizing the Caffeine Cabinet of Curiosities today…
Beefy Man in the Too Tight Clothing is passing through at the moment. He’s attractive and has a nice “football player” body, but all his clothing looks as if it’s busting at the seams. Let me tell you – if one thread pops, he’s going to be bustin’ out all over like June. Even his freckles are holding on for dear life.
Speaking of June bustin’ out all over…there’s this…
Easy for her to say, huh? I just love that. I appeared once with Leslie on the Flip Wilson Christmas Special. We did a rousing rendition of “Bosom Buddies.” She had no bosom, and we weren’t buddies, but hey – that’s showbiz, kids.
“Women/Men with Ass Cheeks Hanging Out of Shorts” Count for the Day – ½
(The reason I’m only tallying “1/2” is because while, truthfully, her ass cheeks are not “out” of the shorts per se, the denim is functioning more like an underwire bra at the moment. I think you get the picture.)
Alright kiddos, that’s it for another episode of the “Corner.” I’m off to run my daily errands, and – who knows – maybe a Hare Krishna will want to show me the backseat of his Prius! A girl can dream!