Poppy’s Coffee Corner: Episode One

Reflections on life, culture, and the poor fashion choices of passersby, with just a little dash of shade.  Join Poppy as she sips her latte and looks out on the world of gaiety, all from a cozy little booth in her neighborhood coffee shop.


 

Good day, Pop Tarts!  I hope you’re having a wonderful day wherever you might find yourself.  Seems like everyone is still talking about that Vogue cover with Kim and Kanye (yawn), rejoicing over the fact that Gia Gunn is “Gia Gone” from RPDR, and the drama (rhymes with “camera”) around the Lindsey Lohan reality show (A tooth emergency?  Girl, please!).  But gentle readers, know this – there’s a smorgasbord of drama, craziness, and intrigue going on right under your nose at the local coffee shop; and that’s where I do some of my finest research into the human psyche by observing the daily comings and goings of the always colorful inhabitants of Tinseltown (specifically, Boys-town – since I’m in the heart of West Hollywood).  

Well, truth be told, I’m mostly looking at what they’re wearing.  But anyway…

For those of you who aren’t familiar with who I am (and I’m sure there are one or two of you, under that rock somewhere) I’m Poppy Fields – singer, showgirl, Southern Belle, and one-half of America’s Best Least-Known Lounge Act, Mack & Poppy.  I am so thrilled that Miz Chiffon Dior asked me (or threatened me at mascara-point) to be a part of this wonderful new site as the Senior West Hollywood Correspondent.  I’m not exactly sure what that means, frankly, but I’m darn sure going to have a fun time learning.

Incidentally, West Hollywood actually has a Go-Go Boy Appreciation Day.  I plan on doing an in-depth report on that one, trust me.  But I digress…back to the coffee shop and today’s crop of victims customers!

Today is particularly interesting…

The Celebrity Fitness Trainer with all the hot tattoos and the equally hot body just came in for his soy latte.  He’s incredibly handsome, but one wonders why he wears those knee-high, striped socks that make him look like a muscle-bound Pippi Longstocking.  I suppose when you’re a celebrity fitness trainer, you get a pass.

That cute porn star, H.C., is also in today.  He’s such a talented bottom.  Interestingly, he looks to be the same height as he does in the videos.  Usually porn stars are shorter than you think.  I remember the first time I saw Jeff Stryker, I was shocked.  I thought, “well, no wonder his cock looks like a baby’s arm…the man’s the size of a leprechaun.”

Person I’ve never seen before:  I’m not sure it was a good idea to attempt to shave your own head, sir.

Whenever one of my coffee shop friends joins me to chat for a moment here at my table,  Pushy Neighbor Guy jumps into the conversation.  It really drives me bananas.  It’s not that Pushy Neighbor Guy is a bad person, but my close seating proximity to you does not automatically give you permission to jump into our conversation whenever you choose, thank you very much.  This ain’t the Waltons’ dinner table.

Going back to socks, when did the black sport sock trend become so prevalent among young, hot, gay men?  Is this a trend I overlooked on the Paris runways?  I thought the only men who wore black socks pulled up to the knees were retirees on vacation.  From Ohio.  With shorts.

Inappropriate Shorts Man just breezed through.  I don’t think his moniker really requires any explanation.  Although, to be perfectly honest, what he wears here is nothing compared to how I’ve seen him in Palm Springs.  I saw him there once in a pair of frayed jean shorts that were being held together by nothing more than a few threads  of denim and the prayers of those of us forced to look at him.

There are two twinky boys sitting two tables over from me at the moment.  They are completely into each other, and it would be sweet, aside from the fact that they can’t keep their mouths off each other.  Listen, Poppets, I’m all for a romantic PDA now and then; however, when I can actually see that you’re trying to tie your boyfriend’s tongue in a knot like a cherry stem (and I hear the slurping noises), you need to get a room.  Just sayin’.

And one of them has had on the same outfit for three days, so that isn’t cute.

Well, poppets, my latte is empty and my fingers are tired!  That’s enough coffee corner for this week.  There will hopefully be an installment next week, if all goes well in Tijuana.  Don’t ask.

And if you have any questions that you would like for me to answer – I give great advice  on all sorts of things…life…love…what to wear to your brother’s bar mitzvah…please write me at [email protected] and I’ll answer your question in a future Coffee Corner!  Discretion assured…just like on Grindr!

xoxo Poppy


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About Poppy Fields 48 Articles

Poppy Fields is indeed from the Deep South – Alabama, in fact – but don’t hold that against her. As one-half of the cabaret duo, Mack & Poppy, she spends most of her time sewing on rhinestones, rehearsing music, and ogling hot men on the streets of West Hollywood.

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