POPPY’S COFFEE CORNER – EPISODE THREE
Over the past few days, a new “character” has been frequenting the coffee shop and its surrounding environs. One of my friends refers to him as simply, “The Spitter.” And trust me, he doesn’t mean that in the sexual sense. While I’ve never seen him spit, he is – as my grandmother used to say – a little o-f-f.
Whenever Granny wanted to say something bad about someone, she would spell it out. She stuck with “off” and “odd” because “fucking crazy” took too long to say all the letters.
Back to “The Spitter.” He does sun salutations bare-chested next to the newspaper stands outside, marches back and forth between the aforementioned newspaper stand and the trashcan like a guard at Buckingham Palace – I don’t know why – and loves to share with strangers the fact that he lost $20,000 at the casino last year in Burbank. Bless him.
Now, that would be a sad fact and a possible cause for his insanity if there were actually a casino in Burbank – but there’s not. There’s a Michael’s craft store, an airport named after Bob Hope, and The Tonight Show used to film there; but no casinos, no slots, no showgirls. Lord knows if there were, I might get more work.
Speaking of work, here’s a public service announcement for all you Pop Tarts: make sure you have an appropriate ringtone for your cell phone. Personally, I think there should be a law against having a “shrieking woman” as your ringtone. Some bozo two tables down just got a call, and I nearly wet my crotch-less panties thinking someone was getting stabbed. Some people are just not classy.
Two young, handsome men just walked in looking like Nanook of the North had an affair with a slumber party. I’m not joking – they are wearing pajamas and winter caps, the kind with the ear flaps and the ball tassels. I live in Southern California and right now it’s about 75 degrees outside and gorgeous, and these twinkies are outfitted for a trip to the Arctic Tundra. I’m sure they are comfortable in their pajama chic, but the fur-lined caps – a bit much. But hey – they’re ready if that sudden snowstorm hits L.A.
I’ll bet Justin Bieber started that trend. Crazy twink.
Oh. Now “the spitter” is pacing inside the shop like a palace guard. I suppose the threat moved indoors. It was the screaming ringtone, I’ll bet.
Come to think of it, Justin Bieber spits on fans. Maybe he’s behind all this. Screw the Illuminati, I think Justin Bieber is orchestrating things on a grand scale. He just hides behind that vapid, irresponsible, obnoxious image to distract us from the fact that he’s a global mastermind.
Time for the “Mailbag!”
Hi Poppy! Let’s cut right to the chase, now that we’ve all seen this week’s episode of Drag Race can you tell me who IS going to win this season and who SHOULD be the one to win? Thanks! – James in Chicago
Ah…everyone’s water cooler conversation topic – the queens of Drag Race!
I’ll be honest…I’ve had a flat-out favorite from the beginning. Being from Southern California, I’m pleased as punch that two of our gals – Courtney and Adore – have made it to the final three. However, while they are both wonderful, talented performers, my season favorite has been, and my money is on, Bianca Del Rio.
I think Bianca should win, and I think she will win. The only…only…caveat is that Adore could appeal to a younger set, and we all know from watching American Idol that the most talented doesn’t necessarily win when the teens and twenty-somethings start clicking on their smartphones. And Courtney needs to come back on the next season of “All Stars” and pull a Chad Michaels. She’s amazing – and one of the most beautiful to ever walk Ru’s runway – but I don’t think she “popped” enough this season.
That’s it for another “Coffee Talk,” Pop Tarts! I hope you all have a wonderful week, and remember – every time you listen to a Justin Bieber song, an angel burns in the eternal fires of hell.