Int-Halls of the Arena- After the match of Sidney vs The Week 11/20/15
Sidney, greatest pop culture warrior OF ALL TIME, walks to his modest four room locker room, following his flawless victory over The Week (per usual) before getting to his locker room he is jumped! The assailants, BIG-otry the tag team of Ted “The Canadian” Cruz (srsly…where’s his birth certificate?) and Mike “The Hypocrite” Huckabee, who attack him with their lunch trays. hey continue to beat him down, even their valet, Kim Davis, gets a kick in. They hold Sidney up for the person that hired them, the returning Lindsey Lohan! Lohan gives Sidney the icy stare before throwing him down the nearby stairwell and lighting a cigarette to watch him fall.*
The recovery was quite intense, a steady IV of whisky, vodkas sodas, and tequila. Then onward to “herbal” remedies, then um…physical…therapy. But after nearly two months of The Week being absolutely NUTS without being checked.
THE CAESER OF SARCASM, THE RAJAH OF WIT, and THE KAISER OF COMEBACKS has returned! If pop culture think’s it can get away from me, safety was last week, slapnuts, this week, NOTHING is safe because…THE BITCH…IS…BACK!
Star Wars Overtakes Avatar’s Box Office Record – So glad the remake of A New Hope beat the remake of Dances with Wolves/Fern Gully.
White People Take Over Federal Building – Police ok with this act of domestic terrorism as the terrorist’s skin matched their own as well as the recent snow on the ground.
Beyoncé to Join Coldplay on Stage at Superbowl – Ya know, cause it’s COLDPLAY and it’s NOT 2002.
Forbes Names Adam Lambert Most Successful Idol Contestant – Yeah…remember when he lost to that guy….who seemingly wins most of the seasons, ya know “Umm…what’s their name?”
Beyonce’s Surprises During Channing Tatum’s Lip Sync of Beyoncé – I mean why are you expecting something snarky here, just watch the damn video!
And the first CHAMPION OF THE WEEK IN 2016 ISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS…..Beyoncé. Because this week she saved two things that otherwise woulda been lame AF.
Disagree, fine but I’m not responsible for what the Bey Hive does to you.
Week, you’re pathetic, see you next week. Oh…and tell Lohan, next time she pops up…she’s MINE!