Sidney’s 2014 Summer Cocktail Movies!

When my Drag Auntie, Chiffon, asked me to write a piece on the upcoming “Summer Popcorn Movies”, I had only one question:

What the hell is popcorn?

After she explained what it was, followed by me, in my own way, politely explaining I haven’t eaten a carb since the Clinton administration, we agreed I would do something a little more…me. Thus without further adieu, NS4W proudly presents……Sidney’s Summer Cocktail Movies!


Captain-America-The-Winter-Soldier-Logo
There was once a man named Ed Brubaker…who set out to revitalize Captain America. He wrote down a little story about a “Winter Soldier” and the world was reminded why Captain America was more than just propaganda. Marvel movies are always the centerpiece of any film calendar but this year…this year is the year Marvel films could be taken to the next level. This film might very well be “The Dark Knight” for Marvel. If the movie is anywhere 1/10th as excellent as the graphic novel is…that next level change will start with “Captain America: The Winter Soldier.”

I love that story so much…I made it through this whole preview without saying one bitchy thing.

…do NOT expect any more of that.

Release Date: April 4th
Cast: Chris Evans, Scarlett Johanson, Sebastian Shaw
Fun Fact: Why the hell are you reading this fun fact? Go read the damn graphic novel…available on Amazon.com.

the_amazing_spider_man_2_logo_by_enoch16-d5v3nt6

Ya know, I really wanted to hate the first installment in the Spider-Man reboot…but I couldn’t. I just had too much fun with everyone’s dream best friend, Emma Stone, and her bubble-butt boo that looks oh so fine in spandex. This installment finds our friendly neighborhood twink at odds with not one, not two, but THREE villains, because ya know…it worked SO well in Spider-Man 3. It should be at least interesting to see how Spidey faces off against Not James Franco, Paul Giasellout and a Blue Man Group reject. Well look…I’ll give ‘em the benefit of the doubt here, but so help me Cher, if Andrew Garfield starts dancing with an emo haircut…I’m outta there.

Release Date: May 2nd
Cast: Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, Jamie Foxx
Fun Fact: All gay boys want Emma Stone as their BFF.

Godzilla-2014-Movie-Logo
“Matthew Broderick did not kill Godzilla, he killed a big, dumb lizard that was NOT the real Godzilla”

For those of you who get that reference you also most likely remember the last Hollywood take on the bastard child of the atom bomb and a pissed off lizard. This one has a lot of promise in terms of style, feel and talent. Fresh off his run on the tour de force known as “Breaking Bad”, Bryan Cranston takes his acting to new heights as he chases a monster around the world in an attempt to stop further destruction by screaming his lines at the damn thing. I do feel if everything goes right, this movie could end up being the most entertaining movie of the summer.

Release Date: May 16th
Cast: Bryan Cranston, Elizabeth Olsen, Aaron Taylor-Johnson
Fun Fact: No radioactive beasts were harmed in the making of this film…we think…I don’t much care for PETA.

transformer-4-logo
Really? A preview…do you really need a preview for this one?

* Puts whiskey down…annoyed*

Giant robots fighting with Marky Mark. Michael Bay blows a ton of shit up.

The end.

Release Date: June 27th.
Cast: Mark Wahlberg and the voices of your 80’s Saturday mornings.
Fun Fact: SERIOUSLY?! It’s Transformers…how much more do you need?

 

logo-oficial-de-maleficent-malefica-original
After years of speculating the possibility over mimosa brunches from WeHo to Boystown to Fire Island, the dream is now reality…..RuPaul’s Drag Race: The Movie is actually happening!

Sure they replaced Ru with Angie and gave it a Disney spin but who can tell the difference as we find out a lot happened before Dorothy dropped…oh…wrong reimagining (This twist on a classic IS actually happening). While we will have to wait and see what the story is going to be about, one thing is for certain: this movie will be remarkably fun or join the ranks of Nomi Malone and her Showgirls in the “so bad it’s classic” category. Really though, either way, we all win.

Release Date: July 2nd, 2014
Cast: Bitch, you know.
Fun Fact: THIS MOVIE IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING!

X-Men-Days-Of-Future-Past-Logo
Another movie based on an iconic graphic novel. This movie has a lot to accomplish in a limited amount of time. Basically X3 was sooooooooo bad that they brought back Bryan Singer who now has to undo all of the damage Brett Ratner’s frat boy imagination did. For some reason, DOFP doesn’t have Rogue in there, which was arguably the biggest injustice of X3. I truly want this film to meet and exceed all expectations. I feel there is so much life in stories of the X-Men. So let’s go in here with an open mind because the future of the franchise is kind of at stake. When Professor X says, “we need you to hope again”, was he talking to his younger self, or the fandom?

Release Date: May 23rd
Cast: J-Law, Michael Fassbender, Hugh Jackman, several dozen others
Fun Fact: No matter what the movies try to say, it’s Jean and Scott, not Jean and Wolverine.

guardians-of-the-galaxy-logo
I won’t lie (unless it is about my date of birth, personal wealth, or where I was last night) I know absolutely nothing about this franchise…and I wish to keep it that way until I walk out of that theater. But based on the fantastic trailer…let me take a shot at what it’s about:

So after switching bodies with a gay man, Andy Dwyer goes on a space adventure with a rocket-obsessed raccoon that is NOT gay (or so he claims), Treebeard, that chick who picked Quinto over Pine because she’s THAT girl and a pro wrestler because WWE really loves synergy.

Well they all get together and get really sassy, real quick in a used-Cadillac convertible and big hats (depending on the day, of course). That’s just what I got from the trailer and cast list. All I really know is, I cannot WAIT to find out if I’m right.

Release Date:
Cast: Chris Pratt, Bradley Cooper, Vin Diesel, Zoe Saldana, Dave Bautista
Fun Fact: This is the gayest movie this summer.

About Sidney Stokes 190 Articles
Sidney Stokes lives in an loft apt in the gayborhood of New Nerd City on the Planet Pop, but outside of his head…he lives in Los Angeles where his interests are as vast as and spread out as LALA Land.

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