Chiffon Dior: Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the 2nd Annual NotSafe4Werk.com SummerSlam Roundtable Preview Special! As always, I am your hostess Chiffon Dior. And as always, my buddy the Crunk Panda is here. Panda how are you doing?
Crunk Panda: Fantastic! Ready to get into the action!
cd: Back by popular demand, NS4W’s favorite villainous of the squared circle, the beautiful and dangerous Sassy Stephie! Stephie, thank you for joining us again.
Sassy Stephie: Thank you for having me. This time I’ll try to behave myself more. No promises though!
cd: Now normally we would be joined by NS4W’s Senior Popular Culture Correspondent Sidney Stokes…..but um…..he ticked off Stephie so much last time that she challenged him to a Loser Leave the Roundtable match and I’m happy to report that last weekend on a major show in Rio Di Janeiro, she pinned him square in the middle of the ring with her Kiss My Sass finisher. Nice work Stephie.
ss: Thank you. I love making people Kiss My Sass.
cd: And yet somehow we have a replacement here, a masked luchadore by the name of…….El Sid? You look awfully familiar sir. Do we know you?
EL Sid: No! For I am El Sid the masked mister of …of a place in Mexico that no one has ever heard of because I am SO MYSTERIOUS!
cp: AYE DIOS MIO!
cd: Oh cripes. Let’s just pretend this isn’t Sidney under a mask and get moving. First off, does anyone want to just preview NXT Takeover Brooklyn instead?
ss: We don’t have to preview it, but the matches should be amazing. Most looking forward to Bayley vs. Sasha for the NXT Womens Championship and Owens vs. Balor for the NXT championship.
cp: Brooklyn is just setting us up for a lot of potential awesome this month, WWE looks to be going all in and I hope they deliver.
ES: I won’t lie, this nxt special feels like the least important. I feel the only build has been for Sasha and Bayley, which for that reason among others, is why they should Main event. The Bâlor vs Owens build has been perhaps the worst NXT main event build ever, and honestly the fact that Enzo and Kass aren’t winning the tag belts in Brooklyn is far too illogical for me to care. It’ll be cool to see Joe have a physical match though.
cd: Let’s start at the top! Brock Lesnar taking on the Undertaker in a Wrestlemania rematch. What do we think?
ss: I’m torn on this match. I personally never thought the Undertaker’s streak would end. Brock Lesnar is on a roll right now. I don’t know why the Undertaker would come back without this being a definite win, but I can’t see them killing off Brock’s momentum just yet either. I think its some sort of DQ finish, and we get it again at ‘Mania in Texas, where Taker retires.
cp: I am still in shock that Taker is rising from the grave more than once. This is a good old fashioned grudge match and I am really curious where this leads. Really hope Taker gets revenge, but, Lesnar should still look strong, setting up a final encounter at ‘Mania. No matter what, I think we all win.
ES: I won’t lie, this nxt special feels like the least important. I feel the only build has been for Sasha and Bayley, which for that reason among others, is why they should Main event. The Bâlor vs Owens build has been perhaps the worst NXT main event build ever, and honestly the fact that Enzo and Kass aren’t winning the tag belts in Brooklyn is far too illogical for me to care. It’ll be cool to see Joe have a physical match though
ES: The match closes the show and honestly, barring sting coming in to screw taker over, it probably shouldn’t close
cd: I can’t see Brock losing. Brock is the biggest draw in the business and they need him strong if they are going to sell 100k seats for Wrestlemania next year.
es: If they are reliant on Lesnar’s victory 8 months out to be their selling point, they have bigger problems. I honestly hate the fact Taker has relied on low blows though, makes him seem like a cranky old man that cannot fight.
cd: Can we talk yet again about the mastery of Paul Heymen on the microphone?
ss: He is beyond brilliant. This is the best work he has done in his career and that is saying a lot, cause he has the gift of gab and it’s highly entertaining.
cp: I can’t say enough about that man. It’s masterful watching him with the stick. I could go on and on, but my god, he’s just pure gold. I hate throwing out “best” titles, but, it’s hard to find anyone better.
es: The man deserves an Emmy, without question. He’s one of the best characters on all of TV and also one of the most unique.
cd: I cannot get enough of him referring to the Taker as “Larger than death”.
es: This is proof that WWE should not script their wrestlers. They always wanna relive the glory of the attitude era but are not willing to let people be theme selves which was the core of what made that era successful.
ss: I don’t know if Paul Heyman is not scripted. Im sure they give him some kind of insight and he runs with it. But I guarantee WWE doesn’t let him or anyone go out without an idea of what is going to be said.
cp: Sometimes I pretend Paul Heyman is my real dad
es: Oh I mean in the word for word sense, Paul knows the idea but runs with it.
cd: So predictions?
cp: Paul Heyman by submission
ss: I believe its some kind of DQ or screwed up finish to build until Mania. Undertaker and Brock remain strong to pull this out another 6 months.
es: Taker, rubber match at mania.
cp: Taker wins, I just don’t see any point in him losing. Part three puts asses in seats.
cd: I’m going to say the Conquerer conquers Taker again. Brock gets the pin.
cd; Moving on to the title vs title match, World Champion Seth Rollins vs US Champion John Cena and what’s left of his nose. What do we think is going down here?
ss: John Cena’s nose looks fantastic! I want to know who his plastic surgeon is. I hate the idea of the US Championship and the World Championship being held by one man. It annoys me. I love John Cena and Seth Rollins, BUT I’m not ready for Cena to be a 16x World Champion. I want Rollins to win.
cd: I agree Stephie. I want to give his number to a few queens I know…..the plastic surgeon that is.
cp: I think Rollins has been putting some pretty solid verbal attacks out there, it’s just hard for me to be invested much. Rollins with the strap just kind of bored me, he’s capable of so much more. I kind of echo Stephie’s sentiment on Cena.
cd: Is there anyone here who doesn’t dislike Rollins using the Pedigree as his finisher?
cp: I get he’s trying to show he is a corporate shill, but, ugh. Like I said, capable of so much more.
ss: I hate it. It looks terrible. I get the whole Triple H is my mentor thing, but it doesn’t look good. I agree with Panda. He is capable of so much more. WWE took away the curb stomp which looked way more devastating.
es: Cena is back in the title picture because Cena. Sure, whatever, but I am excited because not only should this match be very good, it has a component of reality to it with the broken nose aspect. I also love that it gives Rollins a shot to get to the next level. Rollins has gone from the coward and slowly transitioned to that Flair like heel that doesn’t HAVE to cheat, but still chooses to. Seth has been a stellar heel champion and it should continue a bit more. What we don’t need is Cena to win both titles because it will be a plethora of boos. Rollins using the pedigree looks like a child dressing up in his dad’s clothes. Sure It looks cute but it is so obviously off.
cd: It feels weird to say but this might have been the best year in John Cena’s career. His weekly open challenges have been the best part of Raw most weeks. What do you all think of that?
ss: Absolutely. Cena has been facing some of the hottest (former independent talents) wrestlers this year. He has had to step up his game so he doesn’t look like the “old guy” trying to hang with the younger guys.
cd: He’s just lucky you didn’t answer the challenge, right Stephie?
cp: I love Cena, yeah, I said it, but…I don’t feel he needs to be champion. Hearing 15 time world champion just doesn’t impress me, why couldn’t you hold on to it? The changes kills the luster for me. I like the U.S. Title being competed for, he can give the rub to some worthy new faces. Having him as THE champ, I’m over it.
es: Cena doesn’t need the WWE WHC. Rollins as a double champ has so much more potential. Now in terms of Cena being on Flair’s number, that’s a cool selling point if the fans viewed the two as equals. Is Cena one of the top 10 greats of all time? No. He’s in the top 5, but that record is holy and Cena needs to earn it more. He doesn’t want the title, he wants to screw over Triple H and Rollins. Wrong story, wrong time. Also it should be noted that 16 is a false number as it’s easily more like 18-22
cd: So that leads to the finish. How do we think this one ends?
es: Rollins walks away with his belt at least, though J&J Security could return to help him win both.
ss: Rollins wins by pinfall.
cp: Rollins with the pin.
cd: I honestly think Sheamus gets involved with the Money in the Bank briefcase. Either he interjects himself into the match like Rollins did at Wrestlemania this year, and then gets pinned by Rollins. or *shudder* Sheamus wins the title.
ss: God helps us all.
cp: Why would you even say that? Why?
es: If that happens it’s because you put it out in the universe.
cd: That’s weird. Sidney says that to me all the time. Are you SURE we’ve never met El Sid?
es: Not unless you’ve ever been to my MYSTERIOUS island home in Mexico, Partsa Unknowna. Of course I wouldn’t let the likes of you and that SASSY woman there.
chiffondior: Uh oh.
es: the Ghostbuster can visit.
ss: Oh don’t make me have to shut you up too!
cd: Ummm, moving on! Triple threat match for the Intercontinental title….Big Show vs. The Miz vs Ryback. Not exactly Savage and Steamboat.
ss: You know my mother always taught me “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it.” With that being said, I’m sure these guys will work really hard.
cp: I think one thing is for certain, there will be three people in the match.
es: If Show wins we all agree to give up on the IC title, right? Honestly going from Bryan to Ryback, was a giant mistake, but now that he has it, I want it off him. I want nothing more than Miz to walk away with the belt. He can out talk both of these guys and he’s always better when he has a belt, plus everyone loves to see the Miz get his come uppance, and it would allow to get the belt to someone more deserving the belt without hurting Ryback, who WWE likes to protect despite them not protecting those in the ring with Ryback
es: So weird! Sidney used to fangirl all over the Miz too! Predictions for the winner, which is clearly not the fans.
es: I like this Sidney. Wish he were here over certain people who will remain nameless yet sassy
cd: Don’t. Just don’t. Obamacare wouldn’t cover what she could do to you.
ss: El Sid is lucky I’m a journalist tonight! Ryback hasn’t done much with the belt yet. Especially since he was hurt for a couple weeks. I say he retains and pins Miz.
es: Ryback hits show with shell shock Miz throws him out, pins Show. Spoiler alert Sassy: Even if Ryback wins, he’ll continue to do nothing with the championship
chiffondior: I’m going with Ryback too I guess.
ss: The thing is I love the Miz, but this match does nothing for the people involved…and you can tell by our reactions
es: See, she loves the Miz, maybe SHE’S this Sidney you speak of that I’ve never met.
es: They don’t teach biology there in “Mexico”, do they El Sid?
cp: I still like Miz, just don’t think he’s had much to work with. Since someone leaves with the strap, I want it to be him, and then just talk so much smack.
cd: The less we say about this next match the better. Randy Orton vs. Sheamus, can we just go right to the predictions?
es: you’re right Chiffon, Stephanie couldn’t be sid, he’s awesome and she’s absolutely not!
cd: Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
cp: Randy Orton seems to just be loose cannon, which I kind of like.
cd: That’s not a prediction.
cp: RKO out of nowhere over Sheamus.
ss: I say Orton for the win. Especially if Sheamus is going to cash in
cd: I agree with Stephie for the same reasons.
es: This should be for the briefcase. Also, why should we care? We saw Orton pin Sheamus clean on Raw. So I guess that means Sheamus might win and lose if he attempts to cash in.
cd: Next up is Rusev taking on Dolph Zigglar. What does everybody think about this one?
ss: They waited to long to bring in Dolph. Although he’s pretty. So is Lana. I want to see some kind of messed up finish, rusev wins. That way we can have a mix tag! I’m dying to see Lana and Summer but they’d have to make it a tag to hide their inabilities to have a full match together.
cp: I think Rusev takes this one, Dolph has been gone for a bit and quick return and a victory just doesn’t make much sense to me. I’d rather see Dolph build back up and down the road get a victory where maybe it builds to a decent push.
es: If we still lived in the time of two world champions this feud would be for the World Heavyweight Championship and be the main event from the Smackdown side. That said, we don’t live in that world, we live in the world where Rusev has gone from unstoppable to useless. I want Dolph to win because he needs as many wins. Dolph Ziggler has always been one of the best and he should be main eventing not playing in the island of misfit midcarders. The finish, DQ with Dolph winning but the mixed tag is setup.
cd: Next match, The Green Arrow., Stephen Amell and Neville vs. King Barrett and Stardust. At the very least. the plot of this comic book inspired bout will be better than the Fantastic Four.
es: I think it’s been a solid fun build that obviously won’t have the celebrity loss. Neville gets the red arrow, tags in AMELL who does something cool and wins. They can say the red arrow helped the green arrow.
ss: I was impressed by Stephen Amell when he first showed up. The way he leaped over the barricade, into the ling and started destroying Stardust. The man has obviously been training. I’m interested to see what he can do in the ring. That with the high flying of Neville. It should be fantastic.
cp: I am excited about this one, Amell is one of the nicest and kindest people you will ever meet, and seeing him bring his action persona to a WWE match, I’m all in. This is going to be a fun one to watch, it’s had a really good build and Amell is selling tickets. I know a lot of people who watched Raw just for Amell, and he’s so dedicated to his craft, I don’t see us getting anything less than awesome.
es: Well all he does is train. Follow him on FB and watch how he trains for arrow, it’ll make sense. Also, WATCH Arrow!
cd: Okay come on! Sidney always takes about frickin’ Arrow! Do they even HAVE Arrow on Telmundo down there in Mexico??
es: This new invention called Netflix. Invest in it more and speak less.
ss: I rarely have time to catch RAW, Smackdown, and other WWE programs….not likely to watch other shows.
cd: I think we all agree the good guys will win that one so lets movie on to Kevin Owens versus Cesaro. Panda, why do foreigners only get one name?
cp: I’ll ask Trump
es: This match could easily steal the show
cd: Owens started out like a ball of fire but has gradually cooled off. Is Vince McMahon tired of his new toy already?
ss: This match SHOULD steal the show
cp: It’s no secret I’m a Cesaro mark, and I love KO too (hate they are making fat jokes for the record), this one I don’t expect anything pretty. A good old fashioned slobber knocker.
ss: Owens is still doing well. I hope that this match shows the fans that. Both of these guys are future main eventers.
es: Oh I expect it to be pretty in its own right. This could be a match of the year contender. Owens needs the win though.
es: Owens but it’s close.
cp: I think Owens gets the win, as much as I would love to see Cesaro win, I feel he’s kind of in a holding pattern at the moment is is more utility for WWE.
ss: Owens gets the win
cd: I’m going to pick Cesaro, even though he is “too Swiss” as they say.
cd: Moving on the Divas Revolution, three team, nine woman match, Stephie you wrote a great piece for NS4W a few weeks back about what this new focus on the Divas meant to you as a woman wrestler. Is it still living up to your high praise?
ss: Yes, each week these women are having stellar matches. Some have better chemistry than others, but its still better than that crap they used to show. I really thought this match would be held out until Survivor Series, since it is elimination. I’m over the moon to see women getting the chances they are. That they deserve!
cp: I love seeing the new challengers. They came in looking hungry and the ring work continues to be good. I didn’t like Paige and crew on announce last week though, they all sounded just bored to be there, so that kind of turned me off just a little bit, if you’re not excited, why should I be? I’m still really on board though. I still want to know what the hell Brie Mode is though.
cd: My favorite mode is still “pie a la”.
es: The best part of this revolution is the match quality though it’s clear which team is on a different level than the others and just who the star of BAD is.
cd: Sasha is a huge star in waiting but Naomi has been good too.
es: What is also clear is how out of their depth Ream Bella is. Nikkie and Brie at least step up their game. Alicia Fox hasn’t seemed to and she needs to or she will be left in the dust.
ss: I don’t think Alicia has been given the chance, EVER! Girl is good!!!! She is highly underrated and being in the Bella’s camp, she’s going to continue that way. My prediction is the Bella’s need to win. They’ve been on the losing end almost every match. I think Nikki gets the pin on someone from Team BAD that’s not Sasha.
anon6058: Team Terrible name, aka PCB. With Charlotte getting the pin to make her and Sashs both seem like #1 contenders to the title at Night of Champions.
cp: Stephie makes a good point, it’s kind of hard for her to shine when they keep trying to supernova the twins. I say whatever Paige’s team is called for the win. Also, hate the team names, feels like some kids on a playground playing make believe and that’s the name they chose.
cd: Isn’t Paige’s team called the Powerpuff Girls?
ss: Paige’s team name has changed a couple of times, but it seems PCB is sticking.
es: Powerpuff was the best
cd: Well once they realized “Submission Sisters” was a porn site, they changed it pretty quickly.
cp: *writes down submission sisters*
es: Also, Bellas winning is an awful idea. They’re not in the same league as the others and its apparent. It would make it look like the others are getting squashed.
ss: I don’t say its a good idea, I think its what WWE will do.
cd: Don’t hit him Stephie! *whispers* hit him.
cd: Moving on! The remnants of the Wyatt Family vs. the remnants of the Shield. What’s the T?
cp: I admittedly haven’t been in the loop lately with the Monday night happenings, but I really don’t get why this is a match. Bray is just another guy now, they’ve kind of taken away everything that they built.
ss: These teams have so much chemistry. They have done how many matches together over the past 3 years or so? I think this should be the match to start the show. It’s entertaining and people are invested into it.
cp: They did have some amazing battles last year.
es: Oh I agree with you! See? I’m not Sidney! It’s awful If they do. Alicia Fox had a solid divas title run, but I feel in recent years, she’s been ambivalent, due to how she’s been used. I just want her to step up because she can be on the level of PCB. She just needs to get there again. I’m just so happy womens wrestling matters again.
cdr: The Divas Revolution ended 5 sentences ago El Sid. We’re talking Shield-Wyatts. Did you take one too many piledrivers?
es: I legit forgot about that match and I feel that says what it needs to on my end. Part of me thinks Roman turns heel and we get a Roman vs Dean feud.
cp: I guess Shield? I really have no idea where this goes. Just expecting balls to the wall action.
ss: I think Reigns and Ambrose will get the win because they seem to be the golden boys of the upper mid-card.
es: Wyatts win since they need to. Roman turns heel on Dean and beats him down, just like I would do to Sassy Stephie if I was ever forced to team with her!
ss: Okay that’s it! I’ve had just about enough of your crap El Sid!
*Sassy Stephie power bombs El Sid right through the round table, leaving both our table and the masked luchadore in pieces*
ss: There! That’s better!
cp: MAN! YOU GOT KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT!
cd: Wow, I’m surprised it took that long! Panda, could you be a dear and call an ambulance while I give my prediction?
cp: You got it boss lady!
cd: So I’m thinking Reigns scores the win over Bray because Bray never actually wins a feud.
cd: So last and certainly least, the four team tag team title match of which Enzo Amore and Big Kass are not involved so my interest is limited.
ss: This match I’m not really into much, i like the teams, but I just can’t get into it for whatever reason. I say New Day wins with some kind of shenanigans. Although I would be very pleasantly surprised and happy if Lucha Dragons win.
cp: Would love to see New Day take it, last week’s Hulu intro made me LOL
chiffondior: Bonus points for using shenanigans Steph! I think the champs retain so they keep earning those millions of dollars. Its time for a favorite tradition of mine, the crazy prediction part of the roundtable. Stephie, what is your crazy prediction for the show?
ss: I like the idea of Sheamus cashing in Money In the Bank……and LOSING!
cp: A surprise return, many are saying Rock, but, that seems too easy. I think Vince starts setting up another big match for Mania.
chiffondior: . So I guess my prediction is SummerSlam host Jon Stewart turns heels and helps Seth Rollins retain the title…….then goes on to become Donald Trump’s new campaign manager! Boom! That’s brings us to the end of the show. Thank you both so much for doing this. Any final words of wisdom or cheap plugs before we all head out for burrito and beers with the money I found in El Sid’s wallet?
ss: Follow me on Twitter and Instagram: @SassyStephie
cp: Follow me everywhere at crunkpanda.com and be sure to live tweet Summerslam!
cd: Wait, El Sid just texted me his prediction live from his ambulance ride. He said “Sting returns with the colorful make up, blonde hair and buzzcut.” Well, I guess that wraps up our SummerSlam preview! Look for the 2nd Annual Royale Rumble Roundtable preview early next year!