Hello Children of the Corn! I have risen from the dead to talk about our favorite show, The Walking Dead. Unfortunately last week I was in a terrible hunting accident which concluded in me losing an eye via a crossbow. It was very unfortunate but I am back. We have so much to talk about and YES…. 90% has to do with Carol. This week we are going to do a little something different since I couldn’t cover last weeks… We are doing a combination of both last week and this week. So lets begin with the summary of this never ending nightmare.
The Same Boat was strictly about Carol and Maggie… well mostly Carol. The two were captured by this reserve group of Negan’s people. While Florence Welch’s baby sister and Rick were discussing a trade-off, Carol and Maggie had to sit in a dirty factory looking thing and just kind of wait. It starts off with Carol hyperventilating which was really just the first stage of her transformation into the Hulk aka The Carolnator. Carol’s plan of escape went as followed…
- Stage 1– Hyperventilate to show weakness and vulnerability.
- Stage 2– Protect Maggie by announcing her pregnancy
- Stage 3– Smoke a cigarette with the trailer park women and make small talk with Florence Welch’s sister.
- Stage 4– Use a Walker to eat the trailer park women and break Maggie free.
- Stage 5- Assassinate all of Florence Welch’s comrades.
- Stage 6- Throw Florence’s sister into a pit of Walkers and watch her face get ripped off.
- Stage 7- Lure reinforcements into a concrete room and barbecue them.
Long story short, the Carolnator’s plan went completely as planned and the two escaped with a few scratches. Now if that isn’t some good ass television, I don’t know what is… Team Carol for life.
Twice as Far was about life kind of coming together again in a regular cycle. Carol is smoking on a swing everyday and losing her mind slowly, Eugene is figuring out he might be able to do something in life besides cry, and Rosita is sleeping with random guys to fill the void inside her that Abraham has created. Daryl and Rosita go with Denise the Doctor to go to some pharmacy to get some drugs. Meanwhile Abraham and Eugene go to a small factory so Eugene can figure out a way to create ammunition (good luck with that). Abraham and Eugene don’t get along as usual and Abraham tells Eugene to find his own way home. Back to Daryl’s group… they find the drugs and take off home. For some reason, Denise keeps crying about… well I am not even sure about what she is crying about but it is constant. She starts giving this beautiful ramble of a speech after she kills her first Walker which is suddenly interrupted with an arrow to the had. Just like that, Denise the doctor is no longer apart of the show. A group of ragtag killers lead by D (some guy Daryl foolishly let live way back at the beginning of this season in that burnt forest) appear out of the forest with of course stupid Eugene. We go into the usual stressful conversation where guns are pointing but this time a weird turn of events happens, Eugene bites D’s dick and holds on for a good 30 seconds. At the same time, Abraham appears shooting people down, and our crew escapes again. Our people then carry Eugene’s wounded body back to Alexandria like a worthless sack of potatoes. Oh, then Carol decides to write a sad ass not and say she is leaving… So Carol goes missing and now I need to go to the pharmacist for a Xanax refill.
These two episodes were amazing! I have really enjoyed this season because it has been action packed. Highlights for me were all over. First of all, how has Melissa Mcbride not won an Emmy for this freaking show. She just delivers every time. The Same Boat was very well directed and the effects were out of this world. Props to the producers for a season defining episode. I loved just watching Carol and see how she devised a plan. We all knew she would not go down without a fight. As for Twice as Far, the episode was good. The suspense was always which made for an exciting episode.
First of all, how many freaking survivors are there in this area. We have seen a total of like ten walkers in the past 5 episodes but like 5,000 survivors. With the amount of weapons, strongholds, vehicles, and communications that are actually available is this area, we could actually gang together and wipe out the Walkers instead of killing each other. Come on people! I really have no cons for “The Same Boat” except no one is really explaining who or what Neegan is. I don’t understand why everyone is being so weird about it. Even the man who died was weird about it… he said he was Neegan but I was not very convinced. In “Twice as Far“, I am actually confused on how there can be possibly another group out there who wants to destroy our cast of characters. Denise the Doctor’s death was just a metaphor for our hopes of ever having a peaceful moment on this show.
This week, we have two people to thank for their great contributions to our group survivals. Long time winner, Carol Peletier has won the award for single handily destroying like 15+ with a single bullet, some gasoline, a cigarette, and some forceful shoves. Also, first time nominated and winner of the MVP award for “Twice as Far”, Eugene! Daryl got us into this mess which is a first so Eugene literally solved it by biting some man’s penis. Good for you Eugene.
OPEN LETTER TO THE PRODUCER’s OF THE WALKING DEAD:
Dear Producer’s of The Walking Dead,
If Carol Peletier runs away from Alexandria and finds herself getting killed… I am going to lose my marbles. Not only is this show going to fall off the pyramid of amazing shows, but I will be forced to have you and your team pay for my medical bills. I do not think that my heart can take the death of Carol in the near future so lets focus on keeping her alive. I know killing her might sound like a good idea in your eyes, so for that, I have devised several options to that might satisfy you the same.
- Kill Judith and play off of the depression of Rick.
- Have Shane’s ghost come back from Hell and take Carl’s soul kind of like that movie, Insidious.
- Somehow turn Morgan into a rage driven maniac that results in Maggie reading “The Book of the Dead” to resurrect T-Dogg, the savior of the new world, to battle Morgan and destroy him.
- The First Order arrives in Alexandria and is now controlled by Kylo Ren…which awakens the force within Carol “The Carolnator” Peletier – Skywalker.
I know these options might feel a little out of the box. But lets be honest here, all of these options would be so much of a better idea than it would be to kill off Carol. So lets ask ourselves, is killing off Carol really the right option when the sanity of most of America relies on Carol’s safety. With America currently trying to figure out how to avoid Trump winning the White House, we do not need a catastrophe such as Carol dying on our plates at the moment. I really care about this show and have been very thankful for the material you have provided the past few years so lets keep it going! If needed, I am available to appear on “The Talking Dead” to develop more ideas that can sway you from killing Carol.
I hope that you take this request seriously and I look forward to many more years… of Carol Peletier.
Host of What The Walking Dead
Senior Fashionista Correspondent of Werrrk.com