WERRRK.com 2016 Royal Rumble Preview

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Chiffon Dior: Welcome everyone to the 2nd Annual WERRRK.com Royal Rumble Preview Roundtable! As always, I am your hostess for the evening, WERRRK.com Head Diva in Charge, Chiffon Dior! I’m joined once again by my friend and tag team partner, the delightful Sassy Stephie! Stephie, you’ve been in training for a big match on February 28th against Jewells Mahone in Oshawa, Ontario so thank you for making some time for us tonight!

Sassy Stephie: Thank you as always for having me. its always a pleasure

CD: And we also have to welcome, making her WERRRK roundtable debut, the lovely and talented Allison Danger! Welcome aboard Allison!

AD: Thank you very much! I’m chuffed to be a part of the crew.

CD: I have some ointment that might help with that.

AD: Ha! But will you still respect me in the morning?

CD: I’m too afraid of you to not be respectful my dear. And finally…..against all odds…back again by no popular demand…….sigh…..its WERRRK.com Senior Pop Culture Correspondent, Sidney Stokes. Sidney, you lost a loser leave the roundtable match to Stephie last year. Your stand in, the masked El Sid got power bombed through a table at the SummerSlam preview. This is like Shangela coming back for season 3 of Drag Race. Why are you still here?

SID: Because I am what? SICKENING….BITCH! Also, thrilled to be back!

SS: *rolls eyes* No one believes that except him.

CD: Sure….we’ll go with that and ignore the fact that your parents threatened legal action if we didn’t let you back. So let’s start with what we’re all here for, the epic Royal Rumble…….pre-show qualifying match!

AD: Whhhooooooooo!

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DARREN YOUNG & DAMIEN SANDOW VS. THE DUDLEY BOYZ VS. THE ASCENSION VS. MARK HENRY & JACK SWAGGER (FATAL 4-WAY KICKOFF MATCH TO QUALIFY FOR THE ROYAL RUMBLE MATCH)

CD: Everyone just pick a team and we can move on.

SID: Dudleyz

AD: Ascension

SS: Because I have a love for Sandow, I’ll pick his team. Underdogs for the win!

SID: I mean, didn’t they say this was Henry’s last rumble in a passing comment on Raw during commentary?

AD: They might want to put him over on his way out. But it would be a great rub for a younger guy to go over on him.

CD: Stop trying to make this match happen Sidney. Its not going to happen.

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UNITED STATES CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO VS. KALISTO

AD: Del Rio. Cuz he is hot. I met him once backstage at ROH. Damn. I’m a fan of Del Rio’s work. I want to see him over in this. I think this should be a hot match.

SS: ADR body is heaven sent, for reals.

SID: I honestly feel Del Rio is exactly what a perfect wrestler looks like. He’s been better since being back then he entirety of his first run. That said, the change to Kallisto was a big moment to make a new star that they desperately need at the moment. Woulda rather had Del rio have a long run and lose at <ania to make a new guy big. I like Kallisto. He’s young, can get kids into it, isn’t awful on the mic, and can sell merchandise. I want Del Rio to win, but Kalisto needs to be kept strong and have a stellar showing.

CD: Stephie, do you think they will be able to get Kallisto over as a modern day Rey Misterio?

SS: I think Kallisto will be, this feud with Del Rio is to help build him even more. I wish he could have held on to the title until the Rumble, instead of having it for one day. I think that made it look like a fluke win, when he is beyond talented. I think we can expect a lot out of Kallisto, but I see Del Rio winning. He needs to keep the League of Nations hot, without any belts they’re just another faction.

CD: So official predictions?

SID: Yeah. Forming a heel stable when they new their lead would lose the big belt was dumb. Is that thing gonna even last til mania? Del Rio retains but Kallisto shows strong.

SS: If this is the show starter, it will be hot, quick, and intense. I say Del Rio with the win, maybe some interference from LON to keep them all relevant.

AD: Del Rio.

CD: I’m going with Albert of the River too so its on to…..

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INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION DEAN AMBROSE VS. KEVIN OWENS (LAST MAN STANDING MATCH)

CD: Stephie, do you think this stipulation was needed at this point in the feud?

SS: Yes. I am hoping after this, they’re done for the time being. I like them both, but I’m just not into as I should be.

CD: How come?

SS: Beause this is such a hot feud that has been given an embarrassing amount of no focus.

AD: If Ambrose and Owens are allowed to do their thing, this match could be off the hook. Both men are known for putting their bodies through hell and are great story tellers.

SID: I honestly don’t blame them. WWE holds them back.

CD: I feel like this feud works better as a World title series than for the Intercontinental title.

SID: You can’t have Ambrose destroyed like Owens is so good at doing because the heel can’t legit heat on a face in such a major way.

SS: I agree with Danger. If you watch some of their pre-WWE stuff. Its amazing either man can walk still so I guess knowing that, it just lacks for me. Danger is right also about if they’re allowed to go all out, it will be amazing and I’ll be biting my tongue.

SID: If those two were running this feud, it would be feud of the year.

AD: Exactly, Sidney. Give them the freedom to run their story their way.

CD: Can we have Owens destroy you Sidney? I’d pay good money to see you get Pop Up Powerbombed.

AD: Owens is from Montreal, I know people who know him well. Chiff that could be arranged!

SID: It’s bear weekend in SF all over agai..errr…SHUT UP STEPH!

SS: Watch your mouth or I’ll be slapping the taste out of it again Sid.

Owens is from Montreal, I know people who know him well. Chiff that could be arranged!

CD: She already beat your ass once Sidney. I don’t want to have to scrap your corpse up again. ANYWAY! Predictions?

AD: Owens, strictly out of bias.

SID: Owens. I feel they’ve beaten him down they need to bring him back up before he becomes Kevin Wyatt.

CD: Don’t even put that out into the universe Sidney!

SS: I have hopes of seeing Sami Zayn and Owens at Mania. So, last man standing, maybe Zayn makes an appearance costs Owens the match. BUT I know recently Zayn said he is back for the NXT title so its far fetched. Either way, I see Ambrose with the win!

CD: I’m going with Owens for the win too by means of skulduggery.

AD: Chiff-side note: I’m stealing skulduggery.

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WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS THE NEW DAY VS. THE USOS

SID: The New Day is the best act in WWE

SS: For once I agree with Sid. Hell must be freezing over.

AD: New Day’s gear is ALWAYS on point!

CD: The New Day might be the most entertaining thing on WWE tv these days. After a moment of silence for their trombone, Franchesca………..Sidney, what do you think for this one?

SID: Just from entertainment and in ring ability is a great combo. Plus when they are violent it’s even more amazing.

SS: Every Monday night, I watch mainly for the New Day to see what they’re up too. Big E, Xavier Woods, and Kofi are hilarious together.

SID: The Usos are fantastic with the crowd but there is something they lack but I can’t figure it out.

AD: Usos have an appeal but I agree that there is just one little thing missing.

CD: WAIT!!! MY GAWD! THAT”S CRUNK PANDA’S MUSIC!!!

Crunk Panda: Hey yo!

SS: PANDA!

CP: A NEW CHALLENGER HAS ENTERED THE ARENA!

SID: Welcome! Sup Ghost Buster!

CD: Allison Danger, meet our Senior Comics and Cosplay Correspondent and all around swell guy, the Crunk Panda Panda….meet Allison Danger.

CP: *curtsies*

AD: Hello, Panda!

CD; Can I visualize that you commandeered an ambulance back to the arena like Stone Cold used to do back in the day Panda?

CP: A BAH GOD ROOT BEER BATH

CD: We’re talking about the New Day and the Usos. Any thoughts on that big man?

CP: First, really glad the Usos have returned. That said, I love New Day more each passing day. Hard to call, I kind of like New Day chasing.

SS:I can see why, but right now the tag division is lacking (like 95% of the time) the New Day is making it hot….keep the belts on them with more of their shenanigans.

CP: I want all the shenanigans possible

CD: So official predictions?

SID: New Day.

SS: Im 100% in on New Day, cause New Day rocks (clap with me) New Day Rocks!

SOD: Hands down.

CP: New Day because they had the best Table For Three.

AD: I’m gonna say Usos just to be different and because I have no money riding on this.

CD: Oh….you didn’t read the contract Allison? Awkward. We each are putting up $100k on this.

AD: Dammit!!! Good thing I married a Swiss banker.

CP: What’s better? A Swiss banker or a Swiss baker?

AD: Banker for sure.

SS: Shit, i live in Canada and our dollar is so bad, thats like $300,000 here!

CD: But at least your money has the faint smell of maple on it.

AD: Ha! Suck it, Canadian!

CD: I’m going to say New Day for the win and move on to…..

SID: Real quick. Dream sitch….New Day hosts an open challenge at Wrestlemania. They build up with interviews of teams wishing to compete. All get rejected. They get to Mania and do a bit how no team could face them and then BOOM! “MY NAME…IS ENZO AMORE!”

CP: If Enzo came out, I would mark out like never before. Don’t play with my emotions.

SS: I used to not understand Enzo and Cass but now I heart them just as much as you guys.

CD: You’re lucky or we would have turned on you!

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DIVAS CHAMPION CHARLOTTE VS. BECKY LYNCH

CD: So we have two of the best women wrestlers ever here so it only makes sense to go to the biggest diva first. Sidney, what do you think of this one?

SID: Whatever fills the time until Sasha vs Charlotte is fine with me!

CD: That’s disrespectful. Becky has been doing amazing babyface work recently and has been a huge part of getting Charlotte over as a heel!

SID: It’ll be good, I’m very happy Becky is getting her moment.

SS: Becky’s promo this week was awesome. I love when the WWE allows some truth into the promos. Makes it more real.

SID: It’ll be good, I’m very happy Becky is getting her moment.

CP: I’m really torn. I love them both so freaking much. I would love to see them have an NXT type match where they just go all in, weave getting pulled out and kicked to the side by the ref. It’s going to deliver no matter what, I’m saying Becky. (Sup Becky)

CD: You always side with your fellow gingers Panda!

CP: It’s an unspoken rule.

SS: I love that they’re pushing Becky. She’s getting a lot of TV time, but I feel Charlotte will retain. Should be interesting though with Flair at ringside and the creative finishes lately….I have a feeling a lot of people will be talking about this match.

AD: I love Becky as a person and she deserves such good things in wrestling. My heart says Becky but my gut says Charlotte will retain. If Becky does win I will probably end up running through the streets doing an Irish jig and screaming.

CD: I’m rooting for Becky now if you Periscope that Allison.

AD: Oh, I will look into Periscope just for that very moment.

SID: Charlotte will win and go on to face Sasha at Mania but she needs to lose her dad though. I love Ric but him speaking for her makes her look weak.

CP: Yeah, Ric, love him to death, but he needs to woo on somewhere else

AD: Honestly, this is the only match I’m excited for. I usually only tune into PPVs for Cesaro and the females.

CD: Women’s wrestling and the Swiss….can’t say you’re not consistent.

AD: Its all about family, Chiff. Gotta support them.

CD: Actually, I have a question for Allison and Stephie. I watched Bayley’s match with Nia Jax the other day. Have either of you worked with someone much larger than you like that and how does it change your approach to the match?

AD: I worked with Kong a few times and always had a blast playing off our size difference. It forces you to be creative but it can be done well.

SS: It changes greatly. I wrestle a lot of women bigger than I am. One of my greatest opponents and one of my best friends Jessicka Havok (look her up) it constantly made me change my game.

AD: Those NXT ladies have such an ace in the hole with Sara Del Rey backstage.

CP: Oh I’ve been stalking…following Havok for a while now

AD: Havok has come so far with her style, work and character. Love her pieces both in and out of the ring.

AD: YES! Sara Del Rey is such a great asset to the NXT roster. She’s working with the men and the women. She is one of Danger’s best friends. When I worked with her, it was a constant learning experience. She has so much knowledge and if you’re willing to learn she will guide you,

CD: This is why I pay you two the big bucks! You don’t get wrestling insight like this on the other drag queen sites!

SS: Preach on!

CD: So official predictions?

AD: Charlotte.

SS: Charlotte

CP: Becky

SID: Charlotte. Charlotte vs Sasha at Mania will be money.

AD: Anything with Sasha is money.

SS: I’d rather see Sasha vs Paige….but Charlotte is the champion…

SID: Also lastly, the biggest thing facing the NXT women’s division is when they get brought up and how they are treated. The divas revolution in WWE felt forced. The revolution was truly in NXT. WWE is just CNN coveting the revolution.

CD: If that is the case, I can’t wait to see Wolf Blitzer covering the Divas Revolution from the Situation Room.

SS: NXT and the main roster all have a lot of talent. it will be hard to bring anyone up and rotate someone out.

AD: NXT is where I would want to be. Better stories, more time and less travel.

SID: In either case, both brands need to lose the silver belts. They read as secondary to the men by being silver. It’s even stupider when the announcers say the divas are going for the gold.

SS: NXT is where I would want to be as well. But Id never turn down a main roster spot if it were offered.

CD: So to wrap this up, I’m going with Charlotte too. I guess that means its time for the….

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2016 ROYAL RUMBLE MATCH FOR THE WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP

CD: We can all agree Curtis Axel is taking this right? I mean, he was never eliminated last year.

SS: I watched some Social Outcast interview today and Curtis Axel talked a lot about how he has great stamina since he has been in for a year.

SID: That faction though….

SS: Knowing WWE, Reigns will somehow retain.

SID: Shouldn’t he though? I mean after everything, where’s the value in him losing it?

AD: Reigns gets pushed to the sky. He sets them ladies’ ovaries a’baking.

SS: Not mine. He is good looking but Im still all about Del Rio

SID:Danger wins for that response

CD: The Ovary Baker would be a great name for a finisher

AD: Have you seen the chicks at the live shows? He sends them young gals into puberty (as Joey McIntyre did for me when I was a wee lass).

CP: There is just so much possibility with a Rumble, it’s my favorite PPV of the year. I dropped the network months ago, but damn it, I’m buying Royal Rumble. You just never know. There are people who think Reigns, people thinking HHH, some weird other swerve, will AJ Styles show up? There is just no telling. Kind of feel like HHH is about due for another run.

SID: I agree this year is gonna be awesome because it really is a shakeup. I have no issue with Reigns winning but if it happens I want some big moments from the Rumble. I would love the Bullet club to show up.

AD: Lots of rumors about the Bullet Club going around.

SS: I want to see what Kofi will do this year

AD: I like Kofi but my child hates him.

CD: So aside from Reigns and Brock Lesnar, is there anyone else we can remotely think might win this?

SS: I see a swerve of AJ, but since its for the title, unlikely. I don’t think they would do that on his debut.

AD: They did with Gail Kim’s debut.

SS: Paige’s too!

AD: I saw the Bullet Babe Amber Gallows will be at ROH soon. Makes me wonder if the Bullet Club shows up will they go female-less or toss in one of the NXT gals.

SS: Bullet Babe gets my vote. I heart Amber.

AD: Amber is good people. Been friends a long time.

SID: Has WWE given us a reason to think that anyone CAN win this?

CD: Well….the Wyatts based on Monday.

SS: Exactly which is why i believe Reigns retains.

SID: There’s no excuse to have a Rumble where there aren’t at least four or five possible options.

AD: Whoever they put over they should do it in a big way. This is the chance to cement a new star.

SID: Agreed. They can make several new stars and get people excited about them

SS: I would love to see a new star being pushed…but I have little faith in that.

AD: Stephie, the past gives you good reason to lack faith.

SID: This year they don’t have Cena or orton or Rollins. All other longer time guys have been beaten down to the point of irrelevance to the fans. WWE needs several new stars to come from this.

SS: I want to see some NXT talent come up and cement themselves as potentials for the main roster, even if its just a tease and they’re not brought up for a while

AD: I have always said, “When one goes down another rises”.

SID: “And then is beaten down by John Cena.”

AD: Some new blood would really get people excited for Wrestlemaina this April.

SID: What other choice do they have?

SS: Especially if they want 105,000 fans to show up! Who would you want to see from NXT in the Rumble? Personally: Balor, Joe, Zayn, Corbin.

AD: Balor. Zayn.

SID: Maybe bring Enzo and Kass in to see if they know the words. One of the NXT guys needs to make it to the final four. Might be cool to have Balor do it just for the tease of “will he win both belts?”.

CD: What about Nakamura?

SS: I don’t believe he is cleared yet….but as WWF used to say “Anything Can Happen”

AD: What about a surprise return from Bryan Danielson? Any word if he is officially done?

SID: Can we not this year? Can we just not? Unless he wins can we not?

CD: I don’t think the office wants him anywhere near the Rumble.

SID: At this point and I hate saying it, I can’t blame them.

AD: I assume he is done based on a recent Total Divas clip. Shame. He is such an asset to wrestling.

SS: I hope he can do some training down at NXT. If he has nothing to do with wrestling, its a crime. Another brilliant mind.

CD: Let’s do one of my favorite parts of the Rumble. I want your zany prediction for a surprise entrant in the Rumble.

AD: Zany prediction-hmmmmmmm.

SS: Rikishi

AD: I’m wracking my brain. It hurts.

CD: I feel like we’re overdue for a Boogeyman appeaance.

AD: Ahhhh, Boogeyman. Imagine him and Balor in a backstage promo.

SID: I would honestly rather not and say it never happened.

SS: Ohhhh, please wrestling people that be…I would love a Balor-Boogyman promo!

AD: Booooo, Sidney!

CD: Sidney has no childlike sense of whimsy any more.

SID: I have other attributes.

AD: We should beat it back into him.

CD: Please. Pretty please?

CP: George Michael wins it after a Careless Whisper

AD: New finish name!

CD: I liked his original tag team, Wham!

AD: Andrew was the Marty to George’s Shawn.

SID: That’s real, so real Danger!

AD: I live for that real talk.

CD: So prediction on the winner?

SID: Reigns but it sets up a match with Lesnar somehow.

SS: Still Reigns, would love to see someone different though.

AD: I’ll say AJ for shits and giggles.

CP: HHH.

CD: Wow!

SID: Ugh, watch Panda be right.

AD: I really, really hope for an upset win.

CD: I am actually going with Paul Heymen’s client…..Buh-rock Lesnar!

SID: Could see it….not sure it’s the best move, but could see them doing it.

CD: Brock giving you the F-5 is the best move.

AD: Whatever they do it has to set up for an incredible Wrestlemania.

SS: Yes, because if not, I’ll sell my tickets and just visit family on Sunday in Dallas.

SID: It’ll be interesting for sure because WWE is minus three standard major stars.

AD: Which means they have the opportunity to create three new stars.

SS: With the talent at NXT, they would be dumb not to add something new to the mix.

CD: Well, I think we have just about reached the end of the road here. I want to thank our friends Sassy Stephie and Allison Danger for joining us this evening. Do we have any final words everyone?

AD: WWE Network-$9.99.

CP: Yeah, I wouldn’t miss this for the world. They get my 9.99 this month.

SID: I know the circumstances of my return are suspect since I was last seen leaving and being put through a table but I just want to say, thank you to the one that brought me back.

CD: Wait, who DID bring you back??

SID: Thank you for the chance to be back. I’m so grateful and as I promised the person who allowed for me to return. This time I’ll be stronger. This time I’ll be smarter. This time I’ll be….
*looks at Steph*
…SASSier

SS: IT’S ME AUSTIN! IT WAS ME ALL ALONG, AUSTIN!

SID: *knocks the drink out Chiffon’s hand…smashes her bottle of vodka as Sassy Stephie beats Chiffon down with her patented Kiss My Sass finisher*

With that, I’ll see you at the WrestleMania round table and the rest of you can Kiss My Sass!

SID: Sass…is stronger then foundation!

*leaves with Stephanie leaving Chiffon lying cocktailess in the ring as Stephanie’s music plays*

(To Be Continued at Wrestlemania Roundtable Preview)

About Chiffon Dior 467 Articles
Despite being a drag journalist for over five years, Chiffon only recently realized that she missed a golden opportunity back then to change her drag name to Rhoda Story.

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