Voiceover begins: “Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the 3rd Annual WERRRK.com Drag Awards! Please give a warm welcome to our co-hostesses for the evening, WERRRK.com’s own Kathie Lee and Hoda…..Chiffon Dior and Poppy Fields!”
*Poppy walks out looking as immaculately put together as ever while Chiffon looks like her recent stint in the Trump Re-Education Camp helped her to drop a few pounds. Finally.*
Chiffon Dior: Hello everybody and welcome the 3rd Annual WERRRK.com Drag Awards! Poppy, can you believe this is our third year together hosting?
Poppy Fields: I can absolutely believe it because I’m only contractually obligated to do one more of these. My nightmare is almost over.
CD: Look, its not my fault your lawyer didn’t go over the fine print when you signed the deal!
PF: ANYWAY! Legal unpleasantness aside, its my favorite time of the year Chiffon….the time when we honor the best of the year from the world of drag, entertainment, fashion and popular culture!
CD: That’s right Poppy! 2016 might have been a lousy year in a lot of ways but we still have a lot of amazing achievements to celebrate! Are you ready to give away some of our world famous pink trophies?
PF: Let’s do it! Now remember all awards have been voted on and decided by the readers of WERRRK.com. We are very excited to say that we got more votes this year than ever before!
CD: That being said, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage, our first presenter, being escorted out by WERRRK.com’s own Spencer Williams, the lovely and talented Strawberry Fields! Strawberry is here to announce the winner of the 2016 WERRRK.com Broadway Show of the Year Award!
- 2014 winner: Hedwig and the Angry Itch
- 2015 winner: Hamilton
PF: Congratulations to everyone at “Falsettos”! Chiffon, are you familiar with “Falsettos”?
CD: Sure! Like when someone asks you your age, your answer is a complete Falsetto right?
PF: I swear to….
CD: Don’t swear! This is a PG show Poppy! Besides, it time to welcome our next presenter to the stage who is going to announce the Designer of the Year Award!
PF: Coming to us all the way from Key West, its the fabulous Faith Michaels! Take it away Faith!
- 2014 Winner: Alexander McQueen
- 2015 Winner: Marco Marco
PF: Congratulations Dallas! When you have a moment between dressing virtually every girl on Drag Race….call me!
CD: Get in line bitch.
PF: I don’t think the B word is PG dear.
CD: *string of expletives deleted*
PF: Lovely. You kiss your Grindr hookup with that mouth?
CD: Usually they have to leave as soon as they get to my apartment. Its weird. Anyway, its time to head out to San Francisco for our next presenter!
CD: Pip pip! Jolly good show Ellis! God save the Queen!
PF: You’re not seriously doing this, are you?
CD: Don’t get your knickers in a bunch love!
PF: *Sighs* Congratulations Ellis! Let’s give out another award before Chiffon causes an international incident, shall we?
CD: That’s great idea eh? But first I want to stop at Tim Horton’s for a maple creme doughnut first ya hoser!
PF: No! Stop! Just stop Chiffon! We’re not making fun of a country that has that gorgeous a leader. Justin Trudeau, call me!
CD: No wonder you named your show this year, “Poppy Fields: In Heat“!
PF: Truth in advertising dear! Now let’s please welcome the beautiful and talented Deven Green to stage to reveal the winner of the first ever Queen of the Great White North Award! Take it away Deven!
PF: Congratulations Miss Conception! And thank you to all our super polite friends in Canada for their great response to this award!
CD: That’s right! Who knew snow boots and poutine could lead to such amazing drag?
PF: Well we’re moving now from the Great White North to the Windy City of Chicago for another brand new award this year, the Queen of Chicago!
CD: Ah yes! Such a great band! I love me some Peter Cetera.
PF: Umm….the city, not the band dear.
CD: Congratulations Trannika! This was a hotly contested category with all the nominees getting a lot of support! Looks like the Windy City loves them some drag!
PF: So from the Windy City, we’re going to head west to my hometown…
CD: Possum Trot, Alabama?
PF: My CURRENT hometown!
CD: OH! That must mean its time to crown the 2016 Queen of Los Angeles then!
PF: That’s right and our 2015 winner, LA’s dumbest queen Misty Violet, is here to announce the winner! Take it away Misty.
Misty Violet: Take it where?
CD: Just announce the winner dear.
- 2014 Winner: Melissa BeFierce
- 2015 Winner: Misty Violet
CD: The Russians hacked us again??
PF: Well, at least they gave us a lovely queen rather than an orange asshat this time. That was nice of them. But in all seriousness, congratulations Diana!
CD: Next up is an award near and dear to my heart because its my hometown!
PF: You live in the suburbs dear. Not the city.
CD: Shush! You’ll ruin what little rep I have left! So its time for the Queen of New York Award! Now last year we had only the second tie in the three year history of the WERRRK.com Drag Awards.
PF: That’s right! The first was when Beyonce and Cate Blanchett tied for Best Dressed in 2014 and then last year we got this duo, Marti Gould Cummings and Judy Darling who graciously shared the award!
CD: And now they are teaming up again to reveal the winner of the 2016 Queen of New York! Take it away ladies!
- 2014 Winner: Bob the Drag Queen
- 2015 Winners: Marti Gould Cummings and Judy Darling
PF: Congratulations Tina on a great year and a well deserved award!
CD: Hey Poppy, I don’t want to interrupt Tina’s moment but can we go to commercial? I really have to pee!
PF: I told you to stop sucking down all those waters!
CD: Umm…water. Sure, we’ll say that’s what they were!
PF: We’ll be back after this commercial break with the awards for Drag Photographer of the Year, Mr. Los Angeles, the Drag Moment of the Year, Drag Look of the Year, the Drag Horizon award winner, the Bio Queen of the Year and much more! Plus who will be crowned the 2o16 WERRRK.com Drag Queen of the Year? Find out shortly after this message from our sponsors!
Poppy Fields: And we’re back! And Chiffon is also back from the little girls room. All better dear?
Chiffon Dior: Much better! And I didn’t even lose a nail pulling my pantyhose down. I think 2017 is off to a pretty good start!
PF: You probably didn’t need to share that with everyone dear but what we do need to do is to recognize our friends over at Arda Wigs who were a sponsor for this year’s Miss WERRRK.com pageant and were involved with our new Queen of Chicago category as well. If you enjoy what we do here at WERRRK, be sure to support those who support us!
CD: Definitely! We love us some Arda Wigs! And let’s throw it to a queen who has some of the best hair in the Big Apple, the fabulous Miz Cracker, who is here to let us know who wow’d us on the red carpet this year. Its the Best Dressed of the Year award! Take it away Miz Cracker!
- 2014 Winners: Beyonce and Cate Blanchett
- 2015 Winner: Lady Gaga
WINNER: LADY GAGA
PF: Wow, that makes it two years in a row for Mother Monster. I thought we had rules about winning in consecutive years.
CD:: Well, we do except for when our overworked interns screw up. Because it certainly wasn’t anything you or I did clearly. Besides, if we can’t bend the rules for Lady Gaga, who can we bend them for?
PF: For once you’re right Chiffon and you know how much that pains me to admit that!
CD: Almost as painful as those hot flashes a woman of your age gets. Or at least so I’ve heard. Anyway, let’s move on to one of my favorite awards, the LGBT Person of the Year! Our friend Pissi Myles coming to us from New York….or maybe Philly…..or it could be Jersey. I don’t know. She’s somewhere on the east coast and she’s here to let us know who won. Take it away Pissi!
- 2014 Winner: Laverne Cox
- 2015 Winner: Ruby Rose
WINNER: KATE MCKINNON
PF: Well that Kate McKinnon sure is racking up the awards this year huh?
CD: Which award do you think means more to her, her Emmy Award or her…
PF: Her Poppy Award?
CD: They’re not the Poppy Awards!
CD: Well seguing from one diva to another, we’re throwing it to the fierce Maddelynn Hatter who is the current Drag Photographer of the Year and is here to announce her successor! Take it away Maddelynn!
- 2015 Winner: Maddelynn Hatter
WINNER: ERIC MAGNUSSEN
PF: Well that certainly was a loaded category! Congratulations Eric on your win!
CD: I would say call me Eric but I hate when these photographers keep using me as the “Before” picture.
PF: Well maybe if you had a salad occasionally…..
CD: I have salad!
PF: Those taco salads don’t count!
CD: Way to ruin my dining experience!
PF: You can’t help some people. Moving on with the show, our current reigning Miss Bio-WERRRK, the adorable Monroe Fitzgerald is here to reveal the winning of our Drag Makeup Company of the Year Award! Take it away Monroe!
- 2014 Winner: Obsessive Compulsive Cosmetics
- 2015 Winner: Sugarpill Cosmetics
WINNER: JEFFREE STAR COSMETICS
PF: Congratulations to everyone at Jeffree Star Cosmetics!
CD: I’d say I love their products but every time something new comes out, it sells out right away! Speaking of sell outs….
PF: We are not segueing with “Speaking of sell outs” Chiffon!
CD: Good idea, especially since I’m a little bit scared of our next presenter! The fabulous Kat Sass and some of her friends are here to announce her successor as the WERRRK.com Bio Queen of the Year! Take it away Kat!
- 2015 Winner: Kat Sass
WINNER: BOO SUTCLIFFE
CD: Congratulations Boo! We’re excited to see the growth of Bio Drag around the world. Isn’t that right Poppy?
PF: Yes, yes……is it time for the beefcake yet?? *Breaks into a verse of “Bring On The Men”*
CD: You’re insatiable Poppy but yes, its time for a new award this year, the Mr. Los Angeles Award! And we brought in someone in almost as much heat as you are, our friend the fabulous Pandora Boxx! Take it away Pandy!
WINNER: TYLER BOOTH
PF: I think I need to check and make sure Tyler doesn’t need any help backstage…..um….polishing his trophy?
CD: We’ve just completely given up any pretense of this being a family show, haven’t we?
PF: Cut me some slack! Because of rehearsals for this show, I haven’t seen my pool boy Fernando in days! A woman has needs!
CD: And now we needs to present the award for the Drag Look of the Year!
PF: Seriously, these segues are getting worse by the minute! Anyway, please welcome our narrator for this editorial award, New York’s own drag Muppet, Shirley U. Jest! (Cheap Plug: Check out Shirley’s new video series “Behind the Seams” here!)
- 2014 Winner: Phi Phi O’Hara
- 2015 Winner: Violet Chachki
WINNER: ART SIMONE
CD: Congratulation Art! It was a challenge to not include you every week in our Drag ‘Gram of the Week honestly!
PF: We need to take one more commercial break here but we will back soon with our final awards, the Drag Moment of the Year, the Drag Horizon Award, the Lifetime Achievement Award, the 2016 WERRRK.com Drag Queen of the Year Award and more! We’ll be back shortly after a word from our sponsors.
Chiffon Dior: And we’re back again kids but before we continue, I’d like to take a moment to recognize two more friends of our site, Corset Connection and S&B Jewels. Both companies were sponsors of this year’s Miss WERRRK.com pageant so we ask you to pleasure support those companies that support us! Now on with the show!
Poppy Fields: Its time for one of my favorite categories, the Comic Book Movie of the Year! And I’m warning you nerds now ahead of time, if Wonder Woman doesn’t win next year, there will be hell to pay! That being said, please welcome to the stage, being escorted by our own Crunk Panda, coming to us all the way from Vancouver, the busy drag queen herself, Raye Sunshine!
- 2014 Winner: Guardians of the Galaxy
- 2015 Winner: Avengers: Age of Ultron
PF: Can I go present the Poppy to Ryan Reynolds in person?
CD: I told you a million times that they’re not called the Poppy Awards!
PF: I didn’t say anything about an award. *sheepish grin*
CD: I literally can’t with you sometimes.
PF: Well since you can’t, I guess I’ll announce our next presenter. She took home the pink trophy tonight as our new Queen of Los Angeles and now she is here to present the award for Drag Moment of the Year! Please welcome from Russia with love, Diana Dzhaketov!
- 2014 Winner: Courtney Act, Bianca Del Rio and Michelle Visage in Rocky Horror Picture Show
- 2015 Winner: Katya and Diana’s duet
WINNER: MONET X. CHANGE’S STREET BEATZ VIDEO (Check out Monet’s video here!)
CD: Congratulations Monet! Your video was both amazing and inspiring!
PF: That it was Chiffon! And speaking of amazing and inspiring, we’re extremely excited to reveal the winner of our second ever WERRRK.com Lifetime Achievement Award, named in honor of the late Jim Bailey, a legend of drag that we lost last year (Check out our tribute to Jim here). We are very excited to that last year’s recipient, Jimmy James has graciously agreed to narrate this year’s announcement, so without further adieu, take it away Jimmy!
- 2015 Recipient: Jimmy James
CD: I am so happy that we are honoring Lypsinka this year. She’s truly one of the legends of this business and an absolute hero of mine.
PF: And here I thought all of your heroes has the word “parmigiana” at the end of their names.
CD: I’m not going to let you ruin a beautiful moment Poppy. But now that you mention it….
PF: You’ll be snacking at the afterparty soon enough dear. Moving on, let’s welcome Toronto’s own Scarlett Bobo who is here to announce the winner of the Drag Queen Song of the Year Award! Take it away Scarlett!
- 2014 Winner: “Different” by Pandora Boxx
- 2015 Winner: “Break My Heart” by Scarlett Bobo
WINNER: #LOVERGIRL by RHEA LITRE (Buy #Lovergirl here!)
CD: Congratulations Rhea on a wonderful song! But now we need to get serious for a moment. Please welcome back to the stage, my sister Poppy Fields.
PF: Last year our LGBT Moment of the Year was an undeniable moment of triumph as marriage equality became the law of the land. This year’s moment was one of unspeakable tragedy as a madman with a gun invaded one of our sanctuaries, Pulse Nightclub in Orlando, Florida and brutally murdered forty nine innocent people, while injuring many more. Right we ask that you all join us in a moment of silence, to remember those we have lost.
PF: Thank you all for that moment of silence.
CD: That moment of silence is the perfect segue for our final new award this year. Please welcome the narrator for this award, my friend Beverly Leslie Sills.
RECIPIENT: GYPSY GEMINI
CD: Thank you Gypsy for the inspiration you have provided us all. This award will be given out in your name each year to someone who exhibits your courage and inspiration in the face of adversity.
PF: So as we reflect back on the recent past with sadness, we still need to move forward and look towards the future with hope. In that vein, its time to recognize this year’s Drag Horizon Award winner. Please welcome to the stage, the 2015 Drag Horizon Award winner, Phaedra Phaded!
- 2015 Winner: Phaedra Phaded
WINNER: DISCORD ADDAMS
PF: Congratulations Discord and best of luck in 2017 as you continue your journey as a performer!
CD: If she keeps it up, maybe someday she’ll be a nominee for our next award Poppy?
PF: She certainly could but now its time for reveal of our biggest award, the Drag Queen of the Year award and last year’s winner, the one and only Katya Zamolodchikova is here to announce the winner as only she can! Take it away Katya!
- 2014 Winner: Bianca Del Rio
- 2015 Winner: Katya Zamolodchikova
CD: Wow! I didn’t see that coming but the fans have spoken and Biblegirl is our new Drag Queen of the Year! Congratulations Biblegirl and thank you to the thousands of fans who voted in the 3rd Annual WERRRK.com Drag Awards!
PF: We would be remiss if we didn’t thank all the special presenters who generously donated their time and talents at this busy time of the year. We also want to wish everyone a happy and healthy 2017!
CD: We appreciate the support of each and every one of our readers here and WERRRK.com and we look forward to continuing to bring you best drag, nightlife, entertainment and pop culture coverage on the web. Ladies and gentlemen, the evening is now over. We hope you all enjoyed yourselves and we’ll see you all again in 2017. Good evening!