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“Dear Indie,

How do you ask a man to tell you the reasons he loves you without freaking him out? Help! Mine was at a loss for words and I’m pissed!”

Hey Gurl,

I’ve been with my partner for just over 16 years.  We’ve had ups, downs and everything in between over these many years.  It hasn’t been easy either.  The longer you’re together, the harder it gets in some ways.  It takes work to keep a relationship going and a lot of work to keep one going for this long.

Needless to say, I know my way around a man.

It’s funny that you ask this question because it is something my partner and I joke around about.  We will ask each other, every now and again, on the spot, what it is we love about the other.  I don’t usually get a lot of in-depth or deep responses because we don’t take it seriously.  In fact, I’ll usually get a ridiculous response, like something about my ability to do dishes or something equally mundane and impersonal…and there is a really good reason for that.

It’s because we realize that actions speak much louder than words.  When one of us is sick, the other becomes a Nurse making sure the patient has plenty of fluids, something to eat and as comfortable a recovery space as possible.  When one of us goes through a terrible loss, the other becomes Counselor, offering comforting words, hugs, support – and plenty of tissues.  We cuddle in bed, spend our weekends together, go on family vacations and generally look forward to the other person coming home from work.  My partner is the person I tell exciting news to first…the one I bounce ideas off of…the one who encourages me when I want to go outside my comfort zone (or am too afraid to).

Basically, we show each other how much we love each other by the way we lives our lives together.  The fact that I have a partner by my side through all of life’s peaks and valleys, another half to champion me…that is more important than why he’s there.  Aren’t you just happy to have found love?  So many curl up in bed all alone at night, no one waking them up with morning-breath-tainted kisses.  I think you’re looking at this from the wrong angle.  Forget why he loves you.  Just be happy that he does.

Your Homegurl for Life™,

Sister Indica

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