Voiceover begins: “Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the 2nd Annual WERRK.com Year End Awards, sponsored by our friends at GAG Magazine, the world’s first and best high glam, high fashion. haute drag magazine! Please give a warm welcome to our co-hostesses, WERRRK.com’s own version of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, assuming you have a couple of drinks in you and have subpar eyesight……Chiffon Dior and Poppy Fields!”
*Poppy walks out looking as stunning as ever, serving her patented “fresh from the dermatologist” mug. Chiffon looks like she’s ready to pass out as she has clearly opted to be violently squeezed into a corset yet again as opposed to dieting.*
Chiffon Dior: Hello everybody and welcome the 2nd Annual WERRK.com Year End Awards! Poppy, you look stunning as ever!
Poppy Fields: Thank you Chiffon. You look…….like you can barely breathe. Are you sure you’re okay?
CD: You know what they say, beauty is pain…..and a lack of oxygen to the brain. We’ll just hope for the best!
PF: Just don’t fall on me when you invariably pass out. I don’t want look bad with Lady Gaga and that cute little boy from One Direction sitting in the front row (Poppy makes the “call me” gesture with her hand at Harry Styles).
CD: Well, if there was a Cougar of the Year Award, I have a pretty good hunch who would be talking that home tonight. So what do say my dear older sister, are you ready to give away some of our world famous pink trophies?
PF: I’m ready when you are….assuming you can put down that loin of pork you’re munching on.
CD: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage, our first presenter, being escorted out by WERRRK.com’s own Spencer Williams, the lovely and talented Dallas Coulter of Dallas Coulter Designs! Dallas is here to announce the winner of the 2015 WERRRK.com Drag Makeup Company of the Year Award (2014 winner: OCC Makeup)!
PF: Congratulations to Amy and her team over at Sugarpill Cosmetics on a well-deserved award!
CD: Definitely! They have definitely gotten a nice chunk out of my bank account over the years.
PF: Better them than Waffle House like usual.
CD: Don’t try to cheapen my long term relationship with waffles Poppy! We’re soulmates.
PF: Moving on, its time for reveal the winner of the 2o15 WERRRK.com Fashion Designer of the Year (2014 winner: Alexander McQueen)! Please welcome to the stage our presenter, accompanied by our own Sidney Stokes, one of New York City’s favorite redheads, the delightful Strawberry Fields!
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PF: Congratulations to Marco Marco!
CD: And if you ever need a model lacking both grace and a waistline, you know where to find me!
PF: I’m sure they’ll be beating down your door with a pitch like that Chiffon.
CD: Its a gift. What can I say?
PF: Well I can say that its time to announce the winner of the 2015 WERRRK.com Broadway Show of Year (2014 winner: Hedwig and the Angry Itch)!
CD: That’s right! Please welcome to the stage, one of the nominees for tonight’s Drag Horizon Award, the fabulous Chelsea Piers!
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PF: Well if you’re a fan of the Great White Way, that result was about as about a shocking as Donald Trump talking out of his ass.
CD: And speaking of asses, our next presenter…..wait, are well allowed to make butt sex jokes?
PF: This is a family show Chiffon.
CD: Oh. Well I don’t have a segue then but please welcome our presenter for the 2o15 WERRRK.com Comic Book Movie of the Year (2014 winner: Guardians of the Galaxy), the winner of the Breakthrough Artist of the Year at New York City’s Glam Awards this year, Miz Cracker!
CD: Well I’m shocked it wasn’t Fantastic Fo….HAHAHA…..I’m sorry, I couldn’t say that with a straight face.
PF: That’s too easy. Its time to give out the pink trophy for of our favorite things here at WERRRK.com, pop culture!
CD: That’s right Poppy and here to present the award for the 2015 Pop Culture Moment of the Year are two of LA’s finest queens and two double nominees this evening! Cake Moss is nominated for Queen of LA and for Drag Song of the Year while Misty Violet is also nominated Queen of LA and is also in the running for the first ever Drag Horizon award! Take it away ladies!
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PF: Congratulations to Lady Gaga for a well deserved award. Your performance at the Oscars was nothing short of breathtaking!
CD: Speaking of breathtaking, I am seriously going to need to get some help adjusting this corset backstage. Can we get some more presenters out here STAT?
PF: Please welcome to the stage, here to present the awards for both the Best Dressed Man (2014 winner: Matthew Bomer) and the Best Dressed Woman of the Year (2014 winner: TIE Cate Blanchett and Beyonce), two of the bright young stars on New York City’s thriving drag scene, Heidi Haux and Judy Darling!
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PF: Well they certainly were a chatty duo!
CD: Oh come on Poppy, you know what its like to be young and enthusiastic…..well, at least enthusiastic. But congratulations to Lady Gaga for taking home her second pink trophy of the evening and a hearty alright alright alright to Matthew McConaughey for his first.
PF: Shifting gears, in 2015 we here at WERRRK.com were very proud to have held our first ever drag pageant which featured eleven amazing drag queens from all over the country and even one from overseas! After two months of intense competition, Boxxa Vine took home the crown in a hard fought win. She’s here tonight to announce the winner of the 2015 WERRRK.com LGBT Personality of the Year (2014 winner: Laverne Cox)! Accompanied to the stage tonight by one of our favorites here at WERRRK, the Crunk Panda himself, please welcome Miss NotSafe4Werk 2015, Boxxa Vine!
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PF: I’m a little embarrassed to say this as a married woman but that Ruby Rose makes even me feel all funny on the insides.
CD: I know what you mean although there is a chance its just the burrito I had before the show.
PF: That explains the unique scent of your perfume I suppose.
CD: And speaking of unique, last year my gal pal Pandora Boxx took home an award for her song about embracing your individuality, “Different” and tonight she is here to present the pink trophy to the winner of the 2015 WERRRK.com Drag Song of the Year award (2014 winner: Pandora Boxx)! Welcome back Pandora!
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CD: Wow, we have our first big upset of the evening as Canada’s own Scarlet Bobo takes home the pink trophy for her amazing song “Break My Heart”! Congratulations gurl!
PF: Now I know you are super excited for this next presenter Chiffon.
CD: That’s right Poppy and not just because she is one of the most fabulous people I know that actually has tolerated me somewhat in real life! She’s quite possibly the most larger than life personality on all of Broadway and on the interwebs, please welcome my friend, star of stage and screen, the lovely and talented, Lesli Margherita, here to present the award she won last year, the WERRRK.com Tweeter of the Year!
CD: Congratulations Mrs. Betty Bowers for her win. I’m sure she’ll pray for all the heathens watching these awards.
PF: Heaven knows some of this crew needs it.
CD: So Poppy its time for a very special award, the 2015 WERRRK.com LGBT Moment of the Year! Now when we had our staff meeting to discuss this year’s awards, we quickly realized that there was only one logical choice for this honor and you suggested we make this an editorial award, not up for vote. We’re very proud to make this announcement, written by Poppy herself and narrated by the one and only Deven Green…..ladies and gentlemen, your 2015 WERRRK.com LGBT Moment of the Year!
PF: That was lovely. It brings a tear to my eye.
CD: Even I’m going to refrain from making a bad joke here.
PF: You better or I’ll slug you!
CD: I’m to move on to the final category of part one of the ceremony and its one of our biggest awards, the 2015 WERRRK.com Queen of New York Award (2014 winner: Bob the Drag Queen)! We’re very excited to have last year’s winner and a nominee this year for Drag Queen of the Year, the one and only Bob the Drag Queen with us tonight to reveal the winner of this hotly contested award!
PF: That’s right Chiffon this award was literally decided in the final minute of voting, making it the closest vote of the year! I can’t wait a minute longer! Take it away Bob!
PF: A tie?
CD: A tie! I assume we’ll have a steel cage match to truly settle this but that will be down the road!
PF: We’ll be back after this commercial break with the awards for Drag Photographer of the Year, Queen of LA, Drag Moment of the Year, Drag Look of the Year, the Drag Horizon award winner, the Bio Queen of the Year and much more! Plus who will be crowned the 2o15 WERRRK.com Drag Queen of the Year? Find out shortly after this message from our sponsors!
