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Racing With Haley: The Unauthorized Rusical

Racing With Haley: The Unauthorized Rusical 73

Hello friends and lovers! Haley couldn’t be here today, so I am filling in and giving you my Charismatic, Unique, Nervous and Talented look at RuPaul’s Drag Race this week. This week it’s Cher and Cher alike as the girls perform in the tribute to one of the nation’s greatest treasures in CHER: The (Unauthorized) Rusical.

First day back in the workroom, Monique Heart is gone and everyone left sits on The Couch to discuss the events that transpired on last week’s episode. Everyone wants to know if The Vixen and Eureka O’Hara are cool now, and the answer is, in so many words: no. The Vixen doesn’t like Eureka and she doesn’t like that she was named by so many last week as who should go home. Asia O’Hara sites that Vixen “wants Eureka to go home for personal reasons.” Noting that Eureka was the one person on stage who didn’t even name Vixen. Monet X Change congratulates Aquaria for her win, but admits that she thought it would have been (read should have been) herself or Eureka.

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Cut to another day in the workroom, the infamous sponge gets a cameo as the queens walk through the door, and we almost get to see whether Asia or Kameron Michaels would win an arm-wrestle. Sadly, one of them is saved by the “she already done had herses” as Drag Race alum and All-Stars 1 winner Chad Michaels announces, in full Cher regalia, that another maxi challenge is on the horizon.

RuPaul enters the workroom and announces that this week’s mini challenge will be “Slap Out of It” a nod to the Season 2 acting challenge in which Ru got to fake slap the queens. Each queen must improv a line to prompt Ru to give them a slap, and they will be graded on their reactions. The lines, slaps and reactions vary from mild to Miz Cracker getting straight up fake-stabbed. But even that was no match for Asia getting (accidentally) real-life slapped by Ru. Her comedic reaction claimed her the glory of the mini challenge win.

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Once everyone has settled down, Ru announces the maxi challenge and doles out the Cher roles. Kameron will be 60s Cher, Monet and Vixen will split the role of 70s Variety Show Cher, Aquaria will take Disco Cher (which I didn’t even know was a thing), Asia gets 80s Movie Star Cher, Eureka will take 90s Rock Star Cher and finally Cracker will close the show with Comeback Cher. The queens are all excited about their roles and get started on learning their lines and getting their wigs ready right away.

The next day, everyone meets with Toderick Hall to learn chorography and honestly, no one receives much on-camera praise from him. Vixen and Asia are “giving no Cher,” Cracker is her usual nervous self and Eureka wants to focus on the choreography without singing – much to the disdain of Vixen, who pouts in the corner the entire time Eureka is on stage. After a seemingly frustrating rehearsal, Toderick leaves the queens with words to live by “What Would Cher Do?”

It’s elimination day and the queens are back in the workroom, as they get ready for their Rusical debut, Cracker discusses her poor upbringing, stating that pop culture wasn’t a big thing in her life and that her mom, or she and her sister, would make their own toys, this mainly due to a lack of funds. She attributes her struggles in early life to her creativity now. Meanwhile, Asia pulls Vixen aside for a little heart-to-heart and encourages The Vixen to get the chip off her shoulder and find strength in love instead of anger.

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On the main stage, Cher the (Unauthorized) Rusical is set to begin, Billy Eichner and Andrew Rannells join Michelle Visage and Carson Kressley on the judges panel, and all are excited to see what they’re in store for. Save for a few clunky moments, the Rusical is a success and the judges appear to be enjoying the show. It all ends with a song about the fact that when the world ends all that will be left is “cockroaches and Cher.” The queens are whisked away backstage to change, the sound of applause in their ears. And finally it’s time for the runway. CATEGORY IS: Glitterific. The queens werk the runway in their sparkle-iest ensembles. All queens are critiqued this week, here is what the judges thought:

Kameron Michaels: The judges loved her golden runway look, and thought her Cher voice was the most spot on of them all, which ultimately granted her the win for this week. (Finally!)

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Miz Cracker: The judges were equally taken with Cracker, saying they thought she nailed the comedy of her part and ended the show strong. They also loved her glitter-puking skull look on the runway.

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The Vixen: None of the judges loved her Cher, saying there wasn’t much Cher there, and Michelle didn’t care for her runway look either. (I personally liked the strips of glittery fabric, but another thirsty looking wig kept it from being a winner for me.) She was placed in the bottom two.

Asia O’Hara: The judges liked her glittery clown look from the ankle up, Michelle read her for her lackluster shoes, but they weren’t sold on her Cher. This landed her in the bottom two along-side Vixen.

Monet X Change: Visible tape on her garment/body knocked her down a few points in the look department, but the judges loved her Cher and what her voice and attitude brought to the performance.

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Eureka O’Hara: The judges seemed split on Eureka’s performance and look, but ultimately they decided she got there, and was deemed safe.

Aquaria: The judges adored her Virgin Mary runway look, but again, were split on her Cher performance. She was also placed in the safe category.

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After a brief deliberation, the queens were brought back to the stage where Asia and The Vixen had to lip sync for their lives. Both queens gave a solid performance of “Groove is in the Heart” by Deee-Lite, but ultimately The Vixen was told to sashay away.

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What did you guys think of this week’s episode? Do you think the right queen went home? How do you feel about all the drama? Let us know in the comments below and be sure to come back next week when Haley will be back to discuss the acting challenge homage to Westworld next episode.


For another take on this week’s episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race, check out our friend Gilda Wabbit‘s Wabbit Wuview as well and be sure to Like, Comment and Subscribe!

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Written By

Paige Lauren is a Texas native who knew after 5 minutes on this earth she had to get out of there. She has been living in LA for 3 years and is happy to call it home. She began writing short stories at the ripe age of 8, was an editor on her high school newspaper and now writes short films and articles. Her dream is to write a hit TV show and to spend all her free time surrounded by drag queens.

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