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    You S2:E05 “Have a Great Wellkend, Joe!” Recap

    You S2:E05 Enjoy Your Wellkend, Joe! Recap

    Howdy! Welcome back to You and the confusion that abbreviated title always brings. What’s that? You’re planning to stay in and binge You all weekend? That sounds messy. Just like Netflix’s You! You has just been renewed for a third season, see, it even destroys grammar! Woooo! Rolling into You S2:E05 “Have a Great Wellkend, Joe!” after the break!

    We open in Arizona with Forty Quinn (James Scully) trying to book a private jet (or P.J. as he calls it because of course he does) for new paramour Amy aka Candace Stone (Ambyr Childers) who’s discovered that driving a Tesla Model X through Arizona has some serious drawbacks, like the lack of charging stations. They’re in a hurry, Candace/Amy is gonna meet Forty’s mom and she doesn’t appreciate those that are tardy to the party.

    Candace is focused on meeting Forty’s sister Love Quinn (Victoria Pedretti) and her new boyfriend Will Bettelheim/Joe Goldberg (Penn Badgley) as Candace has been looking for Joe since he thought he killed her.


    It’s not just Candace meeting the Quinn parents, so is Joe, but he’ll be fine. He does his research!

    *Research is what we call “stalking” on You.

    Ray Quinn (Michael Reilly Burke) and Dottie Quinn (Saffron Burrows) are Love and Forty’s parents and owners of the Anavrin chain of grocery stores, where Joe and Love work. That’s right, they’re responsible for choosing the names LOVE and FORTY as well as Anavrin – Nirvana backwards – sooo. They even have a family motto, hashtagged of course: #TransparencyAndRealness.

    It’s their 30 year anniversary so they’re having a Wellkend. Get it?? It’s like a weekend, but with wellness. Joe and I would prefer to be shot in the face, but he’s going! Anything for Love.

    Forty and Love keep us up to date on the latest, Joe just killed comedian Henderson “Hendy” (Chris D’Elia) kinda sorta by accident, word on the street is that it’s suicide. Joe had enough forethought to choose to cut Hendy’s wrists while torturing him, so, “sorta” by “accident”.

    Love’s worried that Forty’s on the edge of a spectacular derailing, he likes to meet women, get too attached then flip out and go off the rails when his parents are skeptical. Co-dependent twin Love is left to pick up the pieces, but this time she has Joe to help. He’s great with parents!

    *Great with parents means “manipulative psycho” on You.

    The police looking into Hendy’s death haven’t got suicide quite locked down, they’re still interviewing people like Joe’s landlady Delilah Alves (Carmela Zumbado) who hated Hendy for sexually assaulting her when she was underage and also getting close to Delilah’s little sister Ellie (Jenny Ortega).

    For the record, Ellie doesn’t believe anything her sister says about the now-deceased Hendy.

    Off to the Wellkend! Love’s friends are there too, hai Sunrise (Melanie Field), Sunrise’s fianceé Lucy (Marielle Scott) and Gabe! (Charlie Barnett). Joe meets the parents then Ammmmmyyyyy.

    He forgets how to breathe.

    Some superficial yet tense banter later, we get Candace’s flashback of what Joe did to her. They fought, she said she never loved him and left, he snatched her and drove her out into the woods at night so they could talk. He brought a picnic for them!

    She ran off when his back was turned and he accidentally caved in the back of her head while trying to calm her down.

    Back to the present! How did Candace and Forty meet? She was giving him “stalker eyes”


    and there was something about queso. Anywho, what’s more important is how she found Joe and it’s JUST LIKE I SAID! Wooooo! When Forty lost his shite at Henderson’s party, there was Joe lurking behind him with a tonne of people filming.

    *But. I mean. That seems super random.

    Love’s stressed out about her vow renewal script, so Joe offers to chill in Forty’s yurt for a bit, to be sidetracked by a conversation with Dottie, Love’s mom in the Truth Yurt. She insists he smoke up with her.

    *That reminds me of when I was dating this one particular fella, who smoked up alllll the time. All the time. Even though I’m from British Columbia, or maybe because I am, I’m totally anti-even-fun-harmless-and-now-legal-drugs so I would always refuse to partake. I met his whole group of friends at once, and was offered a celebratory joint from a woman who was extremely miffed that I passed. Apparently she was smoking for me, so I should have lightened up and acknowledged her welcoming gesture. All I knew was I worked somewhere with random testing and liked my job more than her OR my boyfriend, so. This is what Joe is being pressured into!

    And to talking about his girlfriend’s mom’s privates and what age does to natural body moisture.

    I have no jokes re: her vagina (Hai Goop!) because A) I’m probably not far from the DrySisterHood and B) I have a friend who went through a horrific experience with that; it’s not just about sexual readiness, it can be about

    Dottie continues in this vein until Joe passes her test by singing Love’s praises. Then we’re on to the rest of this carefully scheduled Wellkend. Candace isn’t scoring as well as Joe with the ‘rents, but Love wants Joe to help. Damnit.

    We’re kneedeep in hippie hoohah when Joe gets his chance to help Candace, but she has to force herself to let him hug her as part of an affirmation ceremony.

    Side note: HOW does Joe get around whatever world he’s in looking like he rolled a homeless person for clothing?

    Joe follows Candace into her yurt for a chat, to be met with a sharp knife and complicated call and answer outside safe texting scenario. He’s still pretending to himself that he’s a good guy, so he disarms her carefully then offers her the knife back to stab him. She can’t.

    It’s a lot more difficult than it looks. Even to put your hands on someone!

    Forty and Love interrupt, Love staying behind to talk to Candace about her obvious discomfort. Love’s perfect, of course, but Candace is not. She gets caught in a lie right away, so Love’s antennae are up.

    Will gets to sit in on an excruciating talk between Forty and his dad, who is sliiiightly skeptical about Candace. And Forty, for that matter.

    Joe heads back to see Love, who is conflicted on how to handle Candace now that she knows she’s not as accomplished a liar as Joe. “I know we’re not in the Truth Yurt but we can still be honest” made me snort Diet Pepsi out my nose.

    Love has sensed that something’s up with Joe, who tries to blame his weird affect on her insane family.

    Hello Pot? This is Kettle and that was hilarious.

    They part ways with Love angry and disappointed.

    Joe’s usually pretty good at this stuff, it’s super easy to be the perfect boyfriend when you’re not telling the truth about anything.

    The police aren’t giving up their investigation of Henderson’s death without a fight, at least the cop Delilah’s been bouncing on isn’t, anyway. Patrolman David Fincher (Danny Vasquez) shows up at Delilah’s looking for the pictures of underage girls passed out that Joe stole and passed on to her. They’re checking every possible motive for suicide, but Delilah’s sister Ellie already stole those from her sister.

    This meant nothing, really, but I love how Carmela Zumbado uses her face.

    Joe finds Forty smoking up in a yurt with Open (Connor Tillman) which has to be included because OPEN.

    Joe wrangles Forty to the ceremony in time to hear Love give a personal, funny and lovely speech about her parents, but Forty’s high and wrecks it in the middle with some less funny truth.

    Dottie is a shitty hippie mom, blaming Forty’s failure on Love and slapping her when she disagrees. She didn’t say namaste ONCE. Joe bonds with Love after about the abuse he suffered as a child but Jaysus, we get Forty’s backstory.

    When he was 13, he had his first sexual experience with a 19-year-old au pair. That’s straight up abuse and when his parents found out, the au pair was dismissed and subsequently killed herself. Forty found the body. That’s …a lot.

    Joe swears to help Love help Forty and then they’re kissing and they love each other and awww but they don’t call it that, they say “I wolf you.”

    Quick break to re-stabilize my blood sugar and we’re with Ellie and Delilah discussing what to do with Henderson’s illicitly taken photos. They decide to destroy the pictures instead of handing them over to the police. This is bonding?

    I’m a traditionalist, I like to bond over beverages and shittalking, this sounds way way less fun.

    We’re back in the past with Candace reporting her abduction to the police, who do not believe her.

    Officer Alaina (Cara Mitsuko) can’t offer much consolation for Candace, who has no evidence at all showing her attempted murder, but suggests if Candace is that afraid maybe she should stay “dead.” That’s a form of safety.


    Joe finds Candace at the party, he’s not afraid of her any more. If she had something, she would have used it already. She counters that she’s not afraid of him, either which confounds him. Why would the woman he kidnapped and thought he murdered be afraid of him? She’s decided to fight, to watch everything he does and wait for him to mess up. “Murder has a way of following you around” is probably the understatement of this episode, behind “stalker eyes.”

    We’re back at Anavrin with Love, Joe, Forty and Candace, who’s just come up with a great idea! She and Forty are going to make a movie about the book “the dark face of love” by Guinevere Beck (Elizabeth Lail).

    Joe killed Beck after he thought he killed Candace but before he came to L.A. and starting wolfing Love. Beck wrote the book as a Please Don’t Kill Me offering to Joe, he used it after her death to blame her murder on her dishy psychiatrist played by John Stamos.

    We’re interrupted by a news alert that Henderson’s death has been reclassified as a murder, Candace knows exactly what that means. Because of Henderson’s death, the police won’t stop until they know who did it.

    We’re out! Wooo! That got dark and not even in the fun way we’re used to. Boooo. Until next time! Cheers.

    TalksTooMuch talks too much about pop culture and television, you should gather a snack before reading. Maybe a bottle of water, too. Check out her site for even more recaps!

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