Some of us hate change. And by some of us, I mean me. Change isn’t always easy, especially when it comes to my beloved Disney World. Disney is the place where memories are made and the place where memories continue. Like many Disney adults, our core memories revolve around the attractions we grew up on. Let’s take, for instance, Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster. It was the very first looping coaster I had ever been on. My eventual obsession with adrenaline began after taking that coaster for a spin. I remember sitting on the balcony of my Boardwalk Villa listening to Aerosmith to prep for the next turn at seeing Steven Tyler and Joe Perry convince Illeana Douglas to let me take a ride on that super stretch limo. Now, those memories will be just that. Change is coming, and the ride is being sanitized. In more ways than one. The Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster is getting a renovation with a Muppets overlay. I firmly believe it’s a travesty, though if you can get Kermit to sing “Love in an Elevator,” I might be on board. Nevertheless, when it comes to change, there is some change that needs to be implemented at WDW. My battle to save Aerosmith is over, so now, I will start the crusade of what I would like to get spruced up with some Disney magic. Here are five Disney attractions that need some TLC!
Carousel of Progress
“There’s a Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow” is easily a top 5 Disney theme park song, but that’s a debate for another “Rope Drop.” But that song will forever be tied to the Carousel of Progress. Filled with nostalgia and futurism, the attraction was a part of the 1964 New York World’s Fair. It was then brought to Disneyland before it’s final home at Magic Kingdom. Where it currently rests, like it’s in an old folks home, visited by loved ones because we’re obligated to. Steeped in history, Carousel of Progress has been one of those rides that we love for what it is and what it represents. And the air conditioning. There had been rumors swirling about a potential Walt Disney animatronic that could be introduced into the attraction. Perhaps now’s the time to make it a reality! Completely reimagining the ride is not going to happen, but updates and refurbishments are certainly in order. Let Walt give us something to believe in! As long as the air conditioning continues to blast, do what you need to do! Close those doors and fix her up!
The Hall of Presidents
I will forever be an advocate for air-conditioned attractions (see above), but some are just there for a nap and to rest your feet because it’s so boring. Enter, The Hall of Presidents. Now listen, per tradition, the attraction is being “spruced” up to put a certain someone center stage, again. So perhaps now’s the time to cut the chord and reimagine it completely. Avoid anymore political outbursts at a family park and give us something to unite us. Picture it, Muppets do Hamilton. (If we make this a reality, can we bring back Aerosmith to Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster?) With the hit Tony Award-winning show having had a nice, steady run on Disney+, maybe theme park fans would love to see Kermit spit some raps as Alexander Hamilton in a condensed version of the stage play. It may be a far-fetched and impractical option, but at this point in time, anything to avoid four years of this current version of The Hall of Presidents would be a blessing in disguise! How about The Hall of First Ladies? Or The Hall of Fictional Presidents from TV and Film? Anything but what we have!
Journey into Imagination with Figment
I love Figment. He’s my boy, but that purple diva deserves some love! For an attraction dedicated to imagination, it needs to be updated. With such exceptional innovations in ride technology in the past decade, Figment needs to reflect those advances with an upgrade! Journey Into Imagination first opened in 1983 where Figment made his debut, alongside the Dreamfinder. The song “One Little Spark” ignited our love for the attraction. The ride was then updated in 1999 to revolve around the Imagination Institute. Eric Idle was introduced into the fold as Dr. Nigel Channing. And Figment? Where he at?! The new update was so despised that in 2002, it was revamped again, returning “One Little Spark” and Figment. The ride was set to explore the five senses, and finally, the fun was back. Sort of. Until it became sorely outdated, again. It’s been two decades. The must-see EPCOT has lost its luster. Keep the song, keep the Figment, update the fun! With the demand for Figment reaching CEO Bob Iger’s ears, there may be some hope that Figment could get an upgrade. Us Figment fans are quite protective. We will likely never be happy with whatever they do because we love him so much, but something is better than nothing! Save it now before a new IP finds itself inside the Imagination Pavilion.
Spaceship Earth
Stuff happens. And when stuff happens, we can’t have nice things. As the last remaining original EPCOT attraction, Spaceship Earth was set to undergo a reimagining in 2020. A nice thing. The new narrative of the attraction was set to tell the story of the human experience and the art of storytelling under the name Spaceship Earth: Our Shared Story. Along with a handful of other projects that had to be shelved, the COVID-19 pandemic prevented Spaceship Earth to undergo any change. As the entire Disney World resort is seeing a plethora of changes coming, Spaceship Earth is still sitting stagnant. Who knows if those original concepts and plans are still an option, but we’d love to see a new Spaceship Earth that marries the original with the future. That’s been part of the problem with EPCOT. We have exceeded the future EPCOT originally imagined; it’s time to explore the next future frontier.
Tomorrowland Speedway
There are very few Disney attractions that still have that “opening day” stench because they have had some love. One original attraction is the attraction currently known as Tomorrowland Speedway. Undergoing a few names over the years, the go-kart ride was inspired by the Grand Prix, as opposed to the futuristic world its Disneyland predecessor featured. Over the years, the attraction became smaller and smaller, and less attractive as other rides began to impede its footprint. The latest was when TRON Lightcycle Run was being built. Yet, every time the ride is overlooked for others, it begs the question of why it’s even still there. So, let’s give them a reason! Disney has been heavily leaning into introducing any IP it can whenever possible. So, let’s combine the race concept with a Pixar IP that literally has it in its fabric: Wreck-It Ralph! Go with me on this. Enter the video game world of “Sugar Rush” as we join Vanellope von Schweetz as we race around the colorful candy world! The attraction needs a reason to exist, and an IP update may be what it needs.
As passionate Disney fans that we are, I’m certain that you may not agree completely with this list. And that’s ok! Perhaps you have some ideas of your own! What would you like to see get some extra Disney magic? Are there any refurbs that you’re dying to see? Sound off and let me know! Let’s will these changes into existence. Manifest the magic!
Michael Block is a 14 time GLAM Award Nominee, host of Block Talk, and a Senior Reality TV Writer at Collider. If it’s reality tv, he covers it. Proud Disney Gay.
