After ten weeks within the WERRRK.com fallout shelter, Sidney and Spencer are finally able to return home. Suffering through starvation and claustrophobia, the duo fought through their toughest survival challenge.. The only thing keeping them grounded was watching American Horror Story: Apocalypse. After last weeks terrifying ninth episode, Sidney and Spencer remained on edge as they realized that the worst of the fight is yet to come. Below is the recorded transcript for their recap of the season finale.
Sidney Stokes: peaks head out Is…Is it over?
Spencer Williams: Sidney! We did it! We survived the apocalypse… wait, what Apocalypse?
SS: The one that ended because Chanel #3 drove like a typical LA Range Rover driver. We have to review the finale….are you drunk?
SW: Of course I am! How else does one survive the apocalypse?
SS: Oh fair
The End of The Beginning
SS: So we finally got back to the start….of this season.
SW: Yeah it turns out the first couple of episodes really did not matter as we basically re-watched them.
SS: At all, literally just to introduce the end
SW: It took a whole season to explain an identity spell which I thought was made pretty clear the first time we saw Cordelia.
SS: Which we didn’t really need THOSE characters. I think we spent way too long in the flashback to the point where Michael no longer seemed threatening.
SW: Way too long. Like, okay yes I love the Coven girls. But we could have spent less time explaining and more time playing out this plot. The flash back could have been cut right after Murder House, then used the rest of the season to actually experience the Apocalypse. I just don’t get how they thought the introduction of these two bowl cut characters would be a good idea?
SS: No, they weren’t, if anyone tells you otherwise they should be cut out, you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life. Oh yeah….and they casually killed Billy Porter.
SW: It just makes no sense. But, we knew this was going to happen. Last week behind the scenes, you were saying you were hoping for a “water landing”. We knew this season was crashing, but I think we did achieve the water landing. There were more positives, than negatives for me.
SS: Yeah kind of and barely. There were casualties. I think Michael started so strong but the back story kind of gutted him. Then somehow he could survive bullets but not a car? Cody Fern did his best the whole season and wish the writers kept up.
SW: Well scientifically speaking pushes up glasses with no lenses I hypothesize Michael couldn’t survive the car because he hadn’t discovered his powers yet. That is why Mallory went back to the time she did. He was literally just experiencing a ‘Michael Myers‘ like rage, nothing supernatural yet.
SS: How did you feel writing that?
SW: Like a really smart doctor person.
SS: … A doctor telling a patient’s loved one that they didn’t make it?
But That Ain’t You, Sis!
SW: Can we talk about what saved this show for me?
SW: ANGELA FUCKING BASSETT
SS: I DIEEEEEED. DIIIIIIED, AND SHE REVIVED ME!
SW: Cordelia stopped her from torturing Delphine just to bring her back and kill Dinah.
SS: I forgot she signed on and SCREAMED
SW: I felt ALIVE.
SS: Lol and now Dinah is torturing Delphine.
SW: Well…. ideally. Unless everything was reversed and now she is back in Hell like Madison. scratches head
SS: But if time changed, then Marie never got summoned and…wellll she surprise bitch’d Delphine.
SW: Well yeah actually because if Papa Legba sent back Misty Day as a gift… then obviously he knows of this deal so perhaps Marie did come back? Oh god, I need another drink. Look, the writers already clouded the waters of the finale I don’t know why they didn’t just give all of my characters a happy ending and move on!
SS: I think the finale was fine, just not entirely earned. Like most seasons of the show it starts strong but just loses focus midway through and never sufficiently ties the first and third acts together.
The Devil Wears Self-Confidence Issues
SW: It felt very rushed in the end which is really disappointing. The first six episodes were amazing in my opinion! Some of the best we have seen in years. I really enjoyed them. The second they started trying to humanize Michael though, is when they started to lose me. It’s like Ryan Murphy realized all of the teen girls love Michael Langdon so he decided to make him the misunderstood teen heart-throb.
SS: Agreed about the first six. The show overly tried to humanize him. Once you cross a threshold trying to make a character human isn’t necessary and is an ultimate detriment. Blankly staring at writers writing anything about Kylo Ren I also think they disregarded story points they spent time on. They dedicated a lot of time to Madison’s redemption arc only for her to remain in Hell to wait it out a bit more? Like WTF, what was the point of that?
SW: YES! I feel that. Same thing for Myrtle Snow. Like I am a little disturbed knowing Mallory is okay with all of our girls rotting in Hell, except Misty. I am glad they made sure to bring back Misty Day though, after that horrific frog scene. We deserve some happiness.
SS: Mallory barely saw Misty and knew all of what Madison did and still thought she should chill in Hell more? SHE DIED TO BUY HER TIME TO LIVE!
SW: This is why she is not the true Supreme! But also, mad respect because Billie Lourd really did an amazing job this season.
SS: Scream Queens is her best work and that’s the official WERRRK.com position.
Wear Something… Black
SS: I’m glad we got more Jessica Lange.
SW: Yeah I was just going to say that the one thing this season did get right was the Murder House crossover. I wouldn’t change a thing. Jessica Lange acted her 20 minutes the house down.
SS: Agreed, that was the true highlight was that episode.
SW: Literally perfect. Which Sarah Paulson directed by the way. Give Sarah an EMMY!
SS: The whole season, and even before, I kept thinking that this should be the final season. But would hope the series finale would be better than this…
SW: The finale was on the right path, but it really needed at least two dedicated episodes. AT LEAST. I just can’t stop thinking about how much time we wasted watching those two bowl-cut assholes.
SS: Agreed. Using the plane metaphor, the initial descent should have started after murder house, and final descent needed those last two episodes.
SW: Yup. Ryan Murphy really needs to hire us as consultants. I am not going to chalk this season as a failure. Because it wasn’t in my eyes. Roanoke was a failure. This season was mostly good and had potential to be amazing, they just blew it in the last half. How can I hate it?
SS: So was surviving the apocalypse worth it. I think it was mostly fun and better than most seasons for AHS are, but it was still plagued with the usual AHS issues.
SW: I really think it was. How I am looking at it, I didn’t lose anything with watching Apocalypse. We got the usual laughs and scares that the Coven vibe usually gives us. I still got all of my Coven girls, including Angela Bassett’s character. Plus all of Murder House. Stevie Nicks even showed back up for a performance. The season was far from perfect, but it still made me happy. It will be hard for AHS to top this season honestly.
SS: I think next season will be the last and I think it’s going to be in Space
SW: You will watch no matter what and I will be right there with you. As hard as you try to avoid it, you will always be back. That, is American Horror Story.
Apocalypse Then, In summation
SS: Myrtle Snow has NO time for middle management or chicken wings. Cheyenne Jackson really did get a title credit for 15 minutes’ worth of screen time while you’re still considering starting that OnlyFans page. Madison is all of us as a Uber Driver. Misty should AirBNB her place out and make some coin. I’ll rent it. Enough 0s and Billy Eichner will wear any bad wig. Kathy Bates needs to start telling Ryan Murphy ‘no.’ Jessica came back for her Guest Emmy. Turns out literally ANY Range Rover driver in LA can kill the Antichrist but not bullets. Madison wastes her time being good and ends up the last one brought back from hell, #3 is petty. The writers got through an entire season called Apocalypse and didn’t once make a Keith Richards or Cher joke.
SW: So, were the radioactive zombies just not a thing or? I brought my crossbow for no reason then. No offense to Billy Eichner, but both of his characters turned out to be completely irrelevant. Sarah Paulson always has, and always will be the fucking Supreme. Myrtle Snow is easily one of the best characters ever written for television. Somewhere out there, the actual Anti-Christ is offended. Sarah Paulson played three characters as well as every single one of those Illuminati members. Jessica Lange was here and she wants her Emmy sent to her house by the end of the week. We do not deserve Stevie Nicks. This was by far the best season of AHS All-Stars. The finale episode was proof enough that Ryan needs to bring Angela Bassett back into the show and make her a lead. Where can I buy an android Kathy Bates head? I am going to pretend that all of our characters survived and were brought back to life. Happy ending.
SW: Well Sidney, it is over. We can leave the shelter.
SS: Spencer, it’s been fun, but yeah, it’s time go. Okay Chiffon, we’re done, you can let us out now. Chiffon? Chiffon… Oh my GOD, Chiffon!
SW: …. Oh god, please don’t leave me in here with Sidney! He cries a lot and won’t stop trying to get me to watch Buffy! Let us out!
Thank you for joining Sidney and Spencer for their recaps of American Horror Story: Apocalypse. We had a ton of fun surviving the apocalypse along side all of you! Leave us a comment and let us know what you thought of this season of American Horror Story.
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