Six weeks into their residence within the WERRRK.com fallout shelter, Sidney and Spencer were finally being given a chance to venture outside. Hoping they were being taken a theme park, they were shocked and terrified when their Uber driver dropped them off at the infamous Murder House. In order to stay calm, the duo decided to host an American Horror Story: Apocalypse viewing party with resident ghosts. Below is their recorded transcript for their recap of episode six. To catch up on last weeks recap, click on this link now.
Sidney: While the bunker has been fun, this field trip has been much better.
Spencer: Sidney, leave me in the Murder House. I don’t want to be where Jessica Lange isn’t.
Sidney: Good news…I’m staying with you. FOREVER!
Spencer: Oh great! Just uh, let me know where your bones are being buried. Mmmkay?
Sidney: Why’s that?
Spencer: Just in case any fashion forward witches come by and offer to make you disappear, forever.
Honey, We’re Home!
Sidney: Spencer, this is the first, true time that AHS has felt like AHS in a long damn while.
Spencer: I am so in love with this episode. Just being in the presence of so many familiar faces brought me back to such a happy place. If this is a dream, don’t wake me up.
Sidney: Trump is still president, and Chiffon is still our boss!
Spencer: I said, do NOT wake me up! Damn it Sidney. First of all, I would just like to point out how amazing of a job Sarah Paulson did as this was her directorial debut.
Sidney: Agreed. She really remains the Supreme of this show in every way. I think because she is the life blood of this show she was able to understand what makes this show this show. The episode’s brilliance has so much to do with someone who genuinely loves the show.
Spencer: Yes, and that understanding of what makes this show so brilliant was shown through her relationship with the O.G, Jessica Lange. I could feel how important this episode was to everyone involved. Literally no one could have directed this episode better than Sarah. They knew that this was the episode we have all been looking forward to for literal years.
Sidney: ACTUAL YEARS! It also reminded me how special Murder House was. I know a lot of people loved Coven but it was its own thing, special, but it was more about its own mythos than AHS Murder House will always be the original feeling of sexy horror the show is about.
Spencer: They really made sure each of these characters got their time as well. Even our favorite miserable maid got to finally reunite with her late mother. If an episode is nominated for an Emmy, it’ll be this one.
Sidney: Well since you brought it up, I know you are DYING to talk about your OG red headed wonder.
Spencer: This season has just really proved to me how fundamental Frances Conroy has been to this series. Every character she has ever played has been a flawless display of acting, yes even that hillbilly cannibal from Roanoke.
Sidney: I keep joking about how this season is AHS All Stars, and tonight was Snatch Game. It highlighted the best parts of everyone and everything.
Spencer: That is exactly it!
Sidney: So what about how this factors into Apocalypse.
Spencer: Well since Murder House ended, we have all known Michael was born into this world as the Anti-Christ. The pieces we were missing had to do with how he went from being a cute baby to destroying the world. I think this episode cleared up at least most of our foundation questions. I just wanted to know what happened to Constance and honestly, I am satisfied.
Sidney: Yes, it was nice for them to acknowledge they are aware of the time jump that must have occurred for Michael to be his age. Even though they are telling this story in a non-linear order, I like that we are still seeing an EVILution in Michael and Cody Fern remains the MVP of the season. I’m also satisfied with the fact that Constance got a happy ending.
Spencer: Yeah I mean if the show went in the direction where Venable dies, Cordelia appears and is randomly fighting the Anti-Christ without any backstory we all probably would have felt confused. Dare I say, over it?
Sidney: VERY! I’m more engaged than usual in a season of AHS past Murder House.
Spencer: Constance taking this happy ending felt like the farewell we may have wanted at the end of Freak Show.
Sidney: If this truly is the last time we see Murder House, then I like that AHS gave us a (morbidly) happy ending the first time, and gave us another happy ending for Murder House here.
Spencer: But hey, never say never! I am thinking we should just skip the anthology method and just go forward with Sarah Paulson directing this show for all eternity, while also starring in the show with Jessica Lange.
Sidney: Oh wait….Sling said FUCK your drag
Spencer: Yeah Sling TV, you are going to have to answer for your crimes.
Sidney: Okay so due to a Sling TV error, Spencer only saw up to the point when the Satanists arrive so I get to recap that for him. So you saw Kathy Bates, A loser who lives with his mom, and Pepper show up, right?
Spencer: Yes! That was the last thing I saw before I was betrayed by my own streaming subscription. When is Ryan Murphy going to start sending me the season beforehand? Just saying.
Sidney: So Connie Britton talks about the Black Mass she witnessed. Then the biggest return of the season rolls up. One that will excite you more than Moira or Constance.
Spencer nervously eats plate of cheese fries
Sidney: Satanic Kathy Bates‘ Hell on Wheels! THE PRIUS!
Spencer: Oh no, the horror! Why!!!
Sidney: She picks up a stranded girl in the rain, knocks her out, and brings her to Murder House where they cut out her heart. For a moment, you see Bates have some…remorse…for killing her. But Michael eats her heart and behind him, in the walls of the house, the shadow of the Devil appears in the form of TERRIBLE CGI.
Spencer: No!!!!! Not the terrible CGI. This show is crossing the line.
Sidney: Madison and Behold get their answers, that Michael is the Antichrist. Mama Harmon went to go kill Michael but Michael felt her coming and set her on fire like the lesbians. #RIPLesbians
Spencer: What! He killed Connie Britton?
Sidney: But before he can, Tate pulls her from the fire and saves her. Michael is gone by the time they put out the fire. They start to leave to return to the coven WITH Behold on their side. But…before Madison is able to leave…
Sidney goes to get cheese fries
Spencer: Gah! Tell me the rest I can’t wait any longer. Oh and stop eating all of my fries.
Sidney: …she finds a crying Violet. She’s upset because she hates Tate for the crimes he committed but, as Madison points out, she still loves him. So Violet is eternally convicted.
Spencer: I mean Tate is a freaking crazy person so yeah, I would still be mad at him too.
Sidney: Violet tells her Tate isn’t a monster….but a product of the house and those born in it as vessels to carry out evil contained within. The evil that consumed Tate left when Michael left. This goes back to Tate telling Ben he feels different and selflessly saves Violet’s Mom. They finally kiss and are together forever. Madison leaves and uses her magic to close the gates
I actually loved how they did this. In this moment I loved how they vindicated someone within the logic of the show. In addition to the great directing, this might be one of the most well written episodes of the series ever
Spencer: So she basically closed the gates on this chapter that we all love so much. Wow, that is so powerful. It’s only fitting that Madison Montgomery was the one to make this all feel right. Like I said before, Sarah Paulson has all of my applause right now. She absolutely killed it.
Sidney: When you can please finish the episode. It was as beautiful as the ending of Murder House. Madison has come a long damn way and I’m glad we got this moment with her. It made her something more than just a sassy 2D character.
Return to Murder House: In Summation
Spencer: I feel personally attacked by Emma Roberts with all of these fashion moments this episode. But really though, Moira really is the worst maid in existence. Who knew the only thing Ryan Murphy had to do was have Jessica Lange walk down a flight of stairs. Wait, we all knew that! No lesbians were harmed in the making of this episode. I am now suddenly concerned with Sidney’s love of gardening… If Kathy Bates does not buy a black Prius after this show then she is officially cancelled. Oh wow, I guess we are going to have to give Sarah Paulson AND Jessica Lange an Emmy this year. That’s fine.
Sidney: Khakis really are the worst. Madison and Behold Chablis should have their own season. Every character Taissa Farmiga plays is actually a lost HAIM sister and Tate looks like he’s auditioning for a bizarre reboot of ‘Blue’s Clues.’ CONSTANCE FUCKING LANGDON. Madison making Behold dig when she could have used magic wins the Petty Murphy Award. Lange can return after 6 seasons, Billy Porter could film ‘Pose’ AND this season but Kate Mara couldn’t be bothered to come by and have a sass off with Madison…I deserve my fucking money back. Jessica Lange wants…nay….DEMANDS another Emmy for this show. Dylan McDermott can eternally get it. We’ll deny it, but Cody Fern made us all get into rubber for a quick second. A group of crows is a “Murder”…someone picked that word for it. WE GOT PEPPPPPPEER…adjacent. Someone never told that girl not to get into cars with strangers. Sarah Paulson really proved why she’s the supreme of the AHS series.
Spencer: Well Sidney, this week was a lot. I can’t even imagine what is happening next.
Sidney: Okay so I don’t know if we are going back to the bunker, or Miss Robichaux’s Academy or what but this episode has me hyped and ready. We are at the mid-way point in the season and it feels like it’s just begun!
Spencer: I have no idea where we are going, but I will do as my Supreme commands.
Chiffon: Spencer, go get my gowns from dry cleaning, go get that chair I like at that store, and a #12 with brown rice from Wok N Roll.
Spencer: Ugh actually, the fallout shelter sounds quite nice. Back to my bunk… peace!
The duo now must now head back to their lonely bunks within the fallout shelter. Don’t worry they will be return next week assuming their hearts are not sacrificed to the devil Thank you for joining Sidney and Spencer for Episode 6 of American Horror Story: Apocalypse. Enjoy a preview of next week’s episode below.