Pure Panda-Monium: Avengers Assemble!


Just a short couple of weeks ago, our own group of misfits and hoodlums here at Werk Towers took a look at the upcoming DC Comics schedule of releases. Fanboy and fangirl sites alike were abuzz with talk about the latest in potential offerings, and we basically just crapped all over their dreams. (See us crapping on the dreams here)

Much like us, others did the same. Still, others championed the titles and began weaving their own fan fiction versions of what may be. Then, in what is probably the most creative use of the Marvel/Disney marriage, Marvel said…”that’s cute” and suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, we get a creepy rendition of Pinnocchio’s “I’ve Got No Strings”, oh and then there was the whole Avengers 2 trailer to go along with it.

The tone is considerably darker, set wonderfully by the music…then, in what is either an address to our heroes or a brilliant Ultron soliloquy, we hear their newly revealed nemesis seem to taunt Earth’s Mightiest Heroes. Why? How? I DON’T KNOW AND I LOVE IT! In just a bit more than two minutes we are treated to so much visually, complete sensory overload. Cut to a world in chaos, unsure if we are witnessing a flashback to the previous Chitauri battle, the destruction caused by Ultron or some other force. Bruce Banner seems to be struggling through some significant issues and in dire need of gamma radiated Xanax. Oh, obligatory Hawkeye mention here*yawn*. As we try to process all this information, we get our first glimpse of what appears to be the early version of Ultron. It is menacing, dark, brooding…scary. EXPLOSIONS, CHAOS, all that’s missing are blood curdling screams of “OH MY GOD!”


Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch appear, and while the world will argue on nomenclature (since apparently they can’t be mutants) and origin, I simply fanboy. Scarlet is one of the most amazing characters in the Marvel universe, it’s hard to tell why they are here, though; it does appear she is struggling to control her own powers. They seem to be working with Ultron, and Whedon has let us know that, at least initially…they hate the Avengers with the hate of 1000 white girls when pumpkin spice lattes are no longer seasonal. Yeah, it’s that kind of hate.


So many tiny bits and pieces we could dissect for days, go back and really watch the trailer. Are we going towards Civil War? Why does Thor seem ready to kill Tony? Why does the Hulkbuster armor look so damn awesome? Where is The Vision and what is his role? Why is Cap’s Vibranium shield destroyed? Is his shield destroyed or perhaps it’s a horrible dream, then again, perhaps it begins our journey to Wakanda to meet T’Challa. Why does Fury look like he’s been begging for change as a Chitauri War Vet outside a convenience store? I’ve got far more questions than answers, which is the most beautiful part of the trailer. It teased us so gently, even the most casual of fan yearning for more. I’ve barely even scratched the surface, and all this and more is revealed in two minutes.


We all wonder about more tie-ins through the universe, Agents of SHIELD is still going strong and we saw Marvel weave that into the cinematic universe. Another wonderful thing we see in Agents of SHIELD are the amazingly strong women (Widow looked all business in the trailer), and to drive the point home, Marvel introduces Mockingbird last week on TV, yeah, no big deal…as DC scrambles to give us anything besides watered down versions of Catwoman and an upcycled Xena costume turned Wonder Woman, every Tuesday night we get Agent May, Skye, Simmons, and Mockingbird. Not to mention drop-ins by Maria Hill, Peggy Carter(flashback), Sif, Raina…well, you get the point. Marvel is also giving us even more Avengers 2 footage during the 28 October, and likely even more the following week during their 75th anniversary special, Marvel 75 Years: From Pulp to Pop!


Wait, there’s more. Name after name has been rumored to play the role, and in the latest round, that seem to be the most valid, Benedict Cumberbatch will deliver Doctor Strange to theatres in 2016. As we create our own rumors and we slowly get tiny nibbles of information, one thing has been made quite clear by Marvel. They are not bullshitting as we proceed ever closer Phase Three. Excelsior indeed. Make Mine Marvel!


Shortly after writing this and while it was in queue, SHIELD hacked into the Not Safe 4 Werk databases and read this piece. I may have struck Wakandan gold, and so in an effort to prevent any speculation or spoilers, Marvel has decided to shock the world and release their current lineup through the next FIVE YEARS, which is more than enough to keep us occupied. Phase Three should officially begin July 17th with the introduction of Ant-Man. For those who feel titles are missing, don’t forget there is always TV, the deal with Netflix, and Marvel likely has some “oh, and…one more thing” cards up their sleeve in case DC tries to get cocky. Make sure you are seated before scrolling further, because OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!

May 1: The Avengers: Age of Ultron
July 17: Ant-Man

May 6: Captain America 3(Civil War)
November 4: Doctor Strange

May 5: Guardians of the Galaxy 2
July 28: Thor: Ragnarok
November 3: Black Panther

May 4: The Avengers: Infinity War, Part One
July 6: Captain Marvel
November 2: Inhumans

May 3: The Avengers: Infinity War, Part Two


About Crunk Panda 41 Articles
Half man, half amazing...all panda

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