Well hello everyone! Welcome to “Spencer’s American Horror Story Cult Following“, a safe place where we can all gather to scream into this electronic pillow we call the internet. Last night was the season premiere of the new season, Cult! Now I am sure you all have been avid readers of WERRRRK.com’s coverage of American Horror Story… so you all know I am a huge fan of this series but also a huge critic. Roanoke was definitely my least favorite season, but I did not entirely hate it. I felt like it went too far off the formula that made this show great…. Well my friends, do not fear because it appears Ryan Murphy is back and he is making AHS “great again”. Grab a glass of wine, this episode was crazy!
Finally, we get our title opening back… This episode started off with a positive start. Great, we have to relive election night. My therapist is going to be so mad at me for watching this. It was nice to hear Hillary’s voice for a few seconds. Gosh how I miss her. But watching Trump win the presidency stung almost as much as when it actually happened. But from this scene we got a few moments that I am actually happy about. First, Sarah Paulson is going back to her AHS roots; a screaming, crying, insane lesbian. I love it. Sarah is the only actress that can pull of these type of emotions and make it look so real. If you need any convincing, just Youtube “Sarah Paulson screaming”… you’ll thank me. Sarah is a genius and I am glad she is taking the lead on this project. Also, I think we can all relate to Ally screaming at the television as Trump won the presidency. Second, Evan Peters is actually taking on a role I can get behind. Evan’s “Kai” is the type of character he should have been playing the past few seasons. Freakshow, Hotel, and Roanoke all did no service to Evan so I am happy to see him finally get a fitting role. My favorite line Evan said was, “There is nothing more dangerous in this world than a humiliated man”…. CHILLS. This episode gave me all sorts of scares though… Even the simplest things such as the coral, the holes Ally was seeing, the clowns, Chaz Bono putting on a “Make America Great Again” hat… I loved the kind of homage to “The Purge” and “Annabelle” with the ice cream truck scene. That was a true horror moment. Ugh, I need another drink! Oh, let’s not forget about Billie Lourd! She looks amazing! I just hope her tone becomes a little more serious, and a little less… cough Scream Queens… One last thing… Throwing in the “Jill Stein” jab made me gag and I loved it. If you voted for Jill, you need a good smack and Ryan just gave it to you. This season is definitely giving all the tea. If this season was a RPDR queen, it would be Bianca Del Rio… reading America for filth.
Why does Ryan Murphy let his musical team change the theme song every year. Change the imagery… yes, remix the theme song….NO. Please just don’t touch it. Just stop/ Okay wait… I am pretty sure we saw this same “Twisty the Clown” scene during Freakshow… literally the same scene! I am not positive, but I will be re-watching Freakshow now to be sure. Billie Lourd is still kind of giving me Scream Queen vibes and just want her character to get ever so slightly more serious. That is kind of the problem with Ryan Murphy cranking out so many shows. They all start to blend together. But if only he could kind of incorporate more of the American Crime Story vibe into AHS and less of Glee and Scream Queens, it would work so much better. I really don’t have a lot of negatives for the first episode. This episode was just a taste so I am not going to knock it before we let this unfold. I guess I am just nervous that this season will fall off around episode four when we start introducing more and more characters. Don’t forget Lena Dunham will be making an appearance eventually and…. eh….. Oh! Where the f*** is Angela Basset and Kathy Bates by the way. I did not approve this. Angela is probably taking a break for “Black Panther” which… okay. But Kathy better not have left for that Netflix show.
“Sarah Paulson screaming at the television as Trump wins the presidency is literally me and 65,844,953 other people. I don’t think I have ever seen anything as scary as watching Kai stuff cheese puffs into a blender, then rubbing it all over his face. Someone hand me my Proactiv… I feel my pores clogging up. Why would we want to relive Freakshow if we don’t get to have a side of Jessica Lange? Ally’s fear of holes suddenly feels rational and I might have just taken on that fear. I wish I was with Cher when she saw Chaz put on that “MAGA” hat. After this stressful episode, I wish Ally was smashing those bottles of wine in my mouth, as opposed to smashing them on the ground. So wasteful. Uh… are you guys fucking? Are you serious?! Right in front of my produce?! Trump being president would make the clowns horny I guess. Not saying I don’t trust Billie Lourd’s character… but I definitely wouldn’t trust her with my child? But I do trust her taste in hair color yasssss queen. Just saying… if you all voted for Hillary instead of Jill Stein, you would probably be watching a AHS about Aliens and not Clowns…. so you only have yourself to blame for that…”
I will admit, this was a good episode and I am excited for the rest of the season. I love how this season has the classic AHS vibe that I fell in love with. The crazy thing about this season though, is that we are already living through it. That is what makes this season different and special. Think about that. But it’s too early to call. This could go very wrong in the next few episodes…. or very right. We shall see! We were really only given a taste this week. Thank you all for spending a few minutes with me. I’ll be here every week to help you all through this very violent, graphic season. Stay away from clowns… and holes… and bees… and Trump voters… and cheese puffs…!